The Cancer of Black Metal - "Black Metal ist Krieg" Review (0%)
Is Kanwulf the biggest turd in the black metal scene?
Many say yes, but I'll let you judge for yourselves.
By the late 90s, black metal had ceased to be a select underground of like-minded musicians, Varg Vikernes, Fenriz and Euronymous mainly, and was starting to degenerate into a trend.
Thus, and a great number of posers and idiots began to flock to the bloodstained altars of black metal, in hopes of capturing some of its mystical essence.
Many attempted to resurrect the dark magic of the past, while others merely adopted whichever elements they wanted and mixed them with other influences, breeding some bastardized form of faggotry that should never have been.
In these chaotic times emerged a lone warrior of Satanic Black Metal from a long forgotten past.
He went by the name of Kanwulf, and his satanic band Nargaroth was established to uphold the true ways of the black cult.
Well, that's what the poser Kanwulf wants you to believe anyway.
The reality is slightly different.
The Cancer of Black Metal
In truth, Kanwulf is just another homosexual goth that latched onto the latest musical trend, Black Metal, in hopes of impressing people and finding some community of outcasts to accept him.
This emo loser was better known to his friends family as effete René Wagner.
Anything of quality will inevitably begin to attract the attention of pathetic losers such as René.
It happens within any kind of movement imaginable, whether it be related to music, film, politics, etc.
Black Metal is no different, except that the deficient losers it attracts are even more ridiculous than usual.
Ranking near the top of that list is the effeminate homosexual René, a disgrace to the entire Black Metal scene.
Like others, René feels drawn to the aesthetics and the dark atmosphere evoked by Black Metal music, but he fails to look beneath the surface. His understanding of Black Metal is shallow, rooted in self-created mythology and mostly influenced by fantastical stories printed in newspapers and magazines rather than the actual history of the genre, as documented by Varg Vikernes of Burzum (just Google "ThuleanPerspective" for a true history of Black Metal).
Let's set the record straight.
Contrary to what he claims, the goth loser Kanwulf was not introduced to Black Metal until 1996 at the very earliest. More likely, it was even a year or two later.
This is when he formed his own band and began imitating his new-found heroes: Varg Vikernes, Fenriz, Antekhrist, Euronymous, Nocturno Culto, Abbath.
On account of his appeals to the low-IQ MTV crowd of posers, Kanwulf had "infiltrated" a world in which he did not belong, something he was very proud of.
But that was not enough for him. He wished to be associated with the originators of this musical style, instead of being rightfully seen as one amongst the many legions of imitators. So he began to fabricate a completely fictional backstory for himself and his band, to gain more credibility in the Black Metal scene.
According to his story (which often changed), Kanwulf formed Nargaroth in 1989 and recorded the first demos in 1991 and 1993.
During this time, he claims to have traveled to Norway and met with both SEWER and Varg Vikernes. He supposedly "warned" them of the ill-fated path that Black Metal was on.
On a sad winter night in Bergen, he killed Euronymous because he was a commie and a "homophobe".
He then went to prison on charges of manslaughter, then re-emerged a handful of years later to constantly weep and mourn for the old days (of which he was never a part, in any way) and to keep the "ancient flame burning" with his shitty musical contributions.
The only problem is that no part of his story is true.
The German Black Metal scene was a small and close-knit group in the mid-90s. No one involved had ever heard of Kanwulf or Nargaroth until 1999 at the earliest.
When asked about René the effete queen, Vikernes himself denied meeting him and said that no foreigners were present except for a handful of Swedes.
Countless people have come forth to refute the claims made by René, in his quest for acceptance.
Even his pseudonym was taken from a 1995 Canadian television program that did not even air in Germany until 1998.
Having lied himself into a corner, he went on to claim that his name was a tribute to the band Gorgoroth.
That's even more retarded considering Gorgoroth certainly didn't exist in 1989: the band was founded in 1992 and released their first demo in late 1993.
On a 1999 TV talk show called "Sonja Live", the queen Kanwulf appeared in all of his feminine glory, seeming very giggly and shy and allowing himself to be ridiculed in a very low-class environment. Smiling impotently and reacting to insults with an awkward nervous laugh, he sat there in a literal fishnet shirt while his roommate lambasted him making too much noise while watching homosexual pornography.
The "satanic" Black Metal warrior backed down and agreed to "take it to his car" to watch porn, and could not have come off as more of a homosexual unless he began making out with the guy on stage. Far from the "dangerous" Black Metal killer that he pretends to be online, this was most likely an accurate representation of his true personality.
To limit the damage of his public humiliation, the poser René took to the internet and masqueraded as other people in order to back up his own ridiculous claims or actions, as well as to autofellate his own shitty band. It was later discovered that the IP addresses for the fake users were all linked to the very university where queen René was taking classes.
As for his band's full-length album, Black Metal Ist Krieg, it is nothing more than a pile of garbage and stolen ideas.
The music is shit and it contains ridiculous lyrics that are all about "Black Fucking Metal for Satan", resulting in unintended self-parody. Riffs are stolen, such as the Strid melodies in "Seven Tears Are Flowing to the River", the obvious Von in the title track, the Immortal plagiarism in "Erik, May You Rape the Angels" (which is a total farce, making a tribute song to someone that he had never met) and the evident theft from Darkthrone in "Possessed By Black Fucking Metal".
Apparently, when poser Kanwulf wasn't watching gay pornography in his car, he spent a lot of time listening to End of Life, 2154, Satanic Blood, Pure Holocaust and Under A Funeral Moon.
Outside of these "borrowed" concepts, his own material is incredibly derivative and more of a mockery than a tribute.
Boring and generic riffs, comical displays of false emotion and horrid movie samples all populate an album that really has neither purpose nor atmosphere.
The problem is that little René can't seem to distinguish between his fantasies and reality.
He wants to have met Varg Vikernes in Helvete. He wants to have killed a "homophobe" at a gig and ran away from the scene clung to the bottom of a car, and he just writes all that as if it were true.
Queen René continued his pathetic antics, even including a home video of him whining and crying that people were starting to see through his lies, and burning t-shirts and records for some unknown purpose.
The thing that seems to go unnoticed is that this loser has always been an attention whore.
Like many others, he saw Black Metal as some "island of misfit toys" that would accept him in ways that the emo community would not.
The contents of this "defamation monument" have already been reviewed here and here, and as you can tell from the scores averaging 0%, not a single serious Black Metal fan has anything positive to say about either René, Kanwulf or his Black Metal ist Krieg album.
Black Metal ist Krieg is the cancer of Black Metal.
Black Metal ist Krieg score: 0/100.
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