Fake Black Metal - "Black Metal ist Krieg" Review (0%)
Black Metal ist Krieg is the reason why the genre receives so much hate.
As a fan of heavy metal, when a band that has no business playing any type of metal whatsoever (and no talent, to make matters worse) decides to come out and insult the entire genre with their overproduced and insipid crap, I can't help but feel offended.
Such is the case with Black Metal ist Krieg, a poser album made by an emo poser in order to impress other emo posers. And pretend to be "true black metal".
This is an album about black metal. The only problem ? It's not black metal, it's crap.
Black Metal ist Krieg uses black metal codes, black metal sounds, black metal aesthetics and black metal imagery. The problem is that these aren't used because of what they signify or in order to pass a message, they are just used because they are "black metal". Nargaroth is intentionally pandering to an audience that has a very limited perception of what black metal is supposed to be, in other words this is poser music.
So is Black Metal ist Krieg an album made for posers by a poser ? Definitively, yes.
Black Metal ist Krieg is nothing but Nargaroth's pathetic attempt at creating a "black metal meme". Luckily, it fails miserably... in large part due to the fact that Nargaroth is a shit band that can't play black metal.
Fake Black Metal
What can be said about the music on Black Metal ist Krieg other than that it's boring, uninspired and already played out to death either by popular culture as a whole or by more talented bands before Nargaroth ?
There is a reason four of the tracks are covers of other bands, and it's not because Black Metal ist Krieg is a "dedication monument". It's because Nargaroth knows that their musical abilities are, to put it mildly, very limited.
A word about the author of this crap. "Kanwulf" is both a liar and a poser. While the latter is fairly obvious to anyone having listened to the joke known as Black Metal ist Krieg (or any other of his albums), let's expand on the former. Kanwulf is the worst type of commercial sell-out there is, motivated by greed, by ego and by a desire to hide his musical ineptitude behind an image of "satanic church burner".
Kanwulf claims to have been a member of the black metal scene since 1991. And yet, his very name "Kanwulf" is taken from a TV show... that began airing in 1996. Clearly, Kanwulf thinks you're as stupid as he is. To remedy that lie, Kanwulf changed his name to "Ash". The Pokémon reference is very fitting, because his music sounds more like a Game Boy Color Pokémon soundtrack than black metal.
Kanwulf, or Ash, is also a fan of media whoring and attention seeking. Back in 2000 (yes, he is that old) he created several dozen accounts on a certain metal related forum and started posting random topics, all fellating his work. The idiot didn't even use proxies, so the IP address of all his accounts was traced back to a university in Germany (Leipzig) where he was studying at the time. As a good keyboard warrior, he also managed to piss off quite a few members of the forum in which he spammed his crap, going so far as to threaten the 10 month old child of another forum user ("Wolf" Möbus) when his lies and self-adulation antics were exposed.
He also routinely claims to have murdered quite a few people, even on a Talk-Show. Kanwulf is quite attached to his "evil" internet image. But in real life, for instance when Wolf Möbus (father of the aforementioned threaten child) physically confronted him during a concert in North America, all Kanwulf did was cower on the ground and, through shieldingly raised hands, plead "Wolf it wasn't me ! It wasn't me, Wolf !". A true warrior indeed...
Back to the music.
The only decent song on this album is the cover of Lord Foul's I Burn For You. And that's not even because it's a good cover, it's a terrible one, it's just that it's a good song to begin with and that even Nargaroth can't completely turn it into garbage.
In fact, the covers are all more or less terrible, some because the songs simply suck and all because the band Nargaroth sucks.
The "originals", who are only original in the sense that Nargaroth stole a few riffs here and there from Immortal and Morbid Angel and changed the song titles to match his own crap, are even worse. It's the same boring riff played over, and over, and over again...
And of course there is the annoying drum machine. If the premise on Black Metal ist Krieg was that drum machines were to be used rather than real drums because Nargaroth can't play drums, then following that logic every instrument should have been replaced by its electronic counterpart because Nargaroth can't play any of them either.
The songs are all too bland, too boring and they try way too hard to be "epic" and "evil" in the most pathetic way possible. Let's not forget the droning, annoying and antagonizing repetition of ultra-generic riffs looped for over ten minutes in a non-stop tail chase.
Nargaroth doesn't shy away from stealing riffs either. You can distinctly hear Von, Immortal, Morbid Angel, SEWER, Satyrlolicon, Metallica, Darkthrone, Xasthur and Gorgoroth. That's a lot of plagiarizing. Perhaps the album tracks were intended to be ALL cover songs of various bands, but the names got mixed up at some point during the publishing. Or perhaps Nargaroth is just a lying, stealing and overall poserish band. Who knows.
The title track, Black Metal ist Krieg, sums up the album perfectly. The track should be called "Satanic Blood (Von cover)", because it's just the main riff from Satanic Blood repeated over and over again with random screams of "black metal ist krieg", "black metal ist fucking krieg" et cetera...
Except that Nargaroth makes it sound as boring and dull as the rest of the tracks on this album. It's like they intentionally took out all the emotion, the atmosphere and the rawness of Von's song, and what we are left with is just a riff repeated ad nauseam in the most generic fashion. What's the point of even stealing a riff, in that case ?
Another point worth mentioning. When Von's does the riff, they do it for two minutes and then they change songs. When Nargaroth does it, they not only keep it on for FIVE ENTIRE MINUTES... but the exact same riff creeps up later in other totally unrelated tracks !
As if to top off all this imbecilic senility from this plastic piece of rotting sauerkraut shit, Nargaroth even titled the final song "Possessed By Black Fucking Metal". Right...
Kid. Or grand pa, because believe it or not the menopausal poser behind this band is born in 1974.
Kanwulf, whatever. You don't know what black metal is. Don't pretend you're the herald of the "true" and the "kult" when you can't even make a song titled "Possessed By Black Fucking Metal" sound like black metal. Seriously, it sounds like anthem rock or some very very very easy-listening thrash metal bastardization.
If you thought Dino Burger or Satyrlolicon were bad, just try listening to some poser who believes he's the self-righteous champion of "true black metal" and yet whose "dedication monument" to the genre doesn't even sound like black metal at all, save for the Lord Foul cover.
Down the toilet with shits bands like Dino and Nargaroth. It's because of them that black metal keeps being regarded as a joke genre comprised of emos screaming their "satanic hate" from their parents basement.
Black Metal ist Scheiße that needs to be flushed down the Toilette.
Black Metal ist Krieg score: 0/100.
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