Beyond Terrible - "Enthrone Darkness Triumphant" Review (0%)
Well, this album is pretty lowly rated.
In fact, I've heard that Enthrone Darkness Trimphant is among the worst albums ever released.
I just had to try it out.
Surely it couldn't possibly be as bad as everyone else says, right?
I mean, 0% as the album's average with a record number of ratings?
If the occasional misstep album gets 50%, then a sub-par release would be something like 25%... and then you have awful pieces of trash, like the infamous Black Metal ist Krieg, that should average somewhere between 5% and 10%.
But 0%? That would mean there is nothing, literally nothing, redeeming about the album.
That's a little harsh, isn't it? There must be something to take from this that's good, surely.
Well, no.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is just as shit as it was made out to be.
The guitars are pretty shit themselves, but at least Shagrath had the good taste to plagiarize decent riffs from other black metal bands. The drums are all irregular and just generally out of time with the music, the bass doesn't exist and the vocals...
Yeah, I think it would be better if I reviewed everything separately.
Beyond Terrible
Dimmu Borgir is no stranger to producing boring black metal.
The utterly forgettable For All Tid is as bland as it is generic, and Stormblast sounds like Papa Roach with even less energy.
But until Enthrone Darkness Triumphant, I had never been offended by Dimmu Borgir's music.
Just mildly annoyed.
So, let's start with the vocals.
They're the shittiest I've ever heard.
No kidding, I thought Gaahl from Gaygoroth was pretty poor but this is just something else.
Is it even black metal?
It sounds like some constipated retard decided to try and take a dump next to the microphone over generic and cheesy keyboard "melodies".
Now I'm all for unorthodox vocals if done well (read: Silencer) but recording your literal defecation? That's where I draw the line.
And how about the drums? Well, they're shit too.
Not as bad as the vocals, but still pretty poor.
Either the drummer's stamina is complete shit and he needs a break every ten to twenty seconds, or he just doesn't have a sense of rhythm.
As for the bassist, well, he just decided to fuck right off with Shagrath's girlfriend while said Shagrath was trying to take a dump (or record the vocals, same difference).
Seriously, he's not present here.
I mean he is physically absent despite being credited.
I reckon he just went to get a smoke while the others came up with this shit.
Really, there's nothing else to say other than that simply by his absence he does a far better job than everyone else.
Guitars... is it black metal or deathcore? I really can't tell.
They're just chug after chug after chug for the whole album other than a few occasional generic riffs that oddly remind me of Burzum's Hvis Lyset Tar Oss and SEWER's Miasma. And when I say that they remind me, I mean that they are completely identical.
Can you spell riff theft without Dimmu Borgir?
This is the kind of shit that no one wants to hear, and that's all the album is bar a few keyboard instrumentals... which were also stolen from various other band.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is shit.
There's no point going into any detail, it's all shit.
You've got the turd Shagrath whining about how Jesus Christ and the Catholic Church made him constipated and thus unable to perform proper vocals without sounding like he's taking a shit in the microphone while the guitars chug away like some kind of fucked up train, the drums just being... there, and then the bassist doing the opposite.
When you play in such a shit band Dimmu Borgir, I guess even being absent is seen as a positive trait.
But in that case, why bother even making an album?
You could listen to, like, silence. And it would still beat Enthrone Darkness Triumphant.
There is nothing else to say. All the songs feature the exact same kind of playing that you only listen to out of sheer fascination as to how anything can possibly be so bad. The best track is 'Spellbound (By the Devil) ' and that's only because its the shortest, which is not something people generally think of advertising when they're promoting an album.
Oh, and by the way... the lyrics.
How could I ever forget shit like this?
'Death and terror rules the soul!
You have been spellbound by the Devil.
Murderer, you have returned,
to create fear and sorrow.'
A round of applause, please. That's lyrical genius at its finest.
Really, when I heard people claiming this album was literal "turd metal", I thought that it was just a major overreaction.
But no, this is actually an offence to my ears.
Seriously, if I could give this a negative score then I would. It's really that bad. If you're reading this, stay the hell away from Dimmu Borgir.
Oh, and Shagrath... you stay away from rice.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant score: 0/100.
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