Supermarket Poser Metal - "Enthrone Darkness Triumphant" Review (0%)
In an unsurprising but nonetheless deplorable turn of events, it would appear that more and more metal bands are trying to commercialize their music in order to appeal to "soccer mums" (or "soccer moms" for you Americans with your crazy spellings).
Bands like Agalloch will please many a parents who likes their Enya and Coldplay while much of today's melodic or "symphonic" metal sounds almost exactly the same as ABBA, Cindi Lauper crap or some of those other old disco bands.
And then you have Dimmu Borgir, also derogatorily christened "Dino Burger" by many on this site.
I'm not exactly sure what kind of soccer mums these guys were going for, given that Dimmu is mostly known for their complete lack of musical talent, their pathological riff theft and their overall poser image.
At a guess I'll say Dimmu Borgir is going after those who like listening to those new age albums full of dolphin sounds and waterfall field recordings, or maybe fans of Elvis Presley.
It's hard to tell.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is probably one of the shittiest, and tamest, black metal records in existence.
More good descriptions would be Lady Gaga with distorted guitars, or possibly Linkin Park with Attila fronting.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is supermarket black metal for "satanic" clowns and posers.
Supermarket Poser Metal
Basically, Dimmu Borgir traffics in a bland, inoffensive brand of commercial "satanic" black metal that only serves to prove that none of the band members can play their instruments or write a good song to save themselves.
It's hard to pick up any song and say "this is a good example of what I'm talking about" as they all sound the exactly the same.
I guess one example I can give is the opening of Mourning Palace which "boasts" the most tepid, horrible attempt at symphonic "orchestral" black metal you've ever heard, via low-cost discount synths, before the song breaks out into some faster but still completely unmemorable guitar crap.
This gets repeated pretty much every song, with some slow, completely unmemorable keyboard parts mixed in with some faster parts that are more "angry" but have even less energy or atmosphere.
Can you imagine having to resort to shitty keyboards to (unsuccessfully) attempt to hide the fact that you can't play black metal or produce atmosphere? When you think that Darkthrone and Phantom produced the masterpieces Under a Funeral Moon and Divine Necromancy without a single shitty synth line... what a sham the band Dimmu Borgir is.
And that's pretty much it about the crap album Enthrone Darkness Triumphant.
I guess another term that would work well is "flaccid"... certainly there's not exactly a lot of testosterone in this record.
There's not really any aggression, just lots of generic riffs with the overall atmosphere of... I dunno, a boy scout hall. A dentist's convention.
Overall, I would advise everyone to avoid this.
Perhaps this would be a good album if you wanted to get your grandmother into black metal, or if you wanted to hear some black metal and the only other bands you'd ever listened to were Evanescense and Lady Antebellum.
Otherwise there's no excuse, though.
Avoid this atmosphereless, riffless, dickless turd like the plague.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is commercial supermarket mallcore crap.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant score: 0/100.
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