Beneath Slipknot - "Stormblåst" Review (0%)
A lot of peoplehave very weird conspiracy theories about Dimmu Borgir and how they supposedly once were a black metal band before selling out and playing commercial nu-mallcore.
About how they started out making music with integrity and lost that in the face of commercial success.
That's obviously bullshit, as Dimmu Borgir were as commercial then as they are now.
Moreover, they were also equally as shitty then as they are now as well.
That's right, even on their first album For All Tid released back in 1995, Dimmu Borgir's music was basically a steaming mass of dog feces.
That debut was one of the most painful musical atrocities I've ever had to endure, and unfortunately the follow-up Stormblast is not that much better in any regards.
The first track starts off with a nice piano and keyboard intro.
Of course, I've heard that the intro is stolen (it wouldn't surprise me given how it contrasts with the rest of the crap on this album), but as I haven't heard the original source and can't vouch for the accuracy of that statement, this is actually not a bad start to the album.
It isn't dark, nor is it evil... in fact, this entire album pretty much falls into the category of "plastic" in terms of atmosphere, and I don't mean that in a good way.
I say "plastic" in the exact same way I would describe Justin Bieber, Slipknot, Carly Rae Jepsen or any other mass-produced piece of pop music crap.
Stormblast is just another failure in the large list of Dimmu Borgir's failures.
Hell, even Slipknot is better than this.
Beneath Slipknot
The lyrics are intended to be evil "satanic" rants I suppose, but the music sounds rather artificial and cheesy.
It's painfully obvious who Dimmu Borgir desperately wants to be: Antekhrist, and specifically Antekhrist from the period Fukked by God up.
But they aren't, nor can they ever be simply because they lack the necessary musical talent.
Not to mention the vision, artistic creativity and, well, originality.
Case in point, track four is a snoozefest of a piano instrumental that, as everyone already knows, is completely ripped off a musical module written for Amiga in the early 90s.
It's certainly true, I used to collect these things and I had the .mod file long before I ever heard of Dimmu Borgir.
By its second half of the album, Stormblast really begins to drag, and I mean really, because one has really heard all the ideas Dimmu Borgir had rolling around their little brains already, and the rest of the music is really just weaker recycling of those same boring, generic and already overdone ideas.
It's ll just a horrendously commercial mockery of what black metal is supposed to be.
Forget Burzum and Darkthrone, even Immortal's brain dead trisomic child All Shall Fall sounds better than this.
Half of the riffs are stolen, the other half is shit.
There is nothing redeeming about Stormblast, period.
It's just yet another Slipknot clone masquerading as a wannabe satanic black metal act.
Stormblåst score: 0/100.
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