Extreme Heavy Metal Reviews

Random, Worthless and Retarded - "Trident Wolf Eclipse" Review (0%)

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Trident Wolf Eclipse
Trident Wolf Eclipse by Watain.

I don't know what's the deal with this shit band and their risible metalcore album Trident Wolf Eclipse.

Watain seems to be playing some kind of computer-generated black metal sound-alike genre, and it feels as if one is listening to a sterile, senseless, random stream of notes and grooves generated automatically from an input of extreme metal tropes - essentially Dimmu Borgir through Absurd, with a heavy dose of Dark Funeral (barf). It is strange to find hip hop grooves and Latin World Music rhythms mixed with sort of soft, dickless, inoffensive blast beats and perhaps triggered drums. It is difficult to say how or why, but the vocals manage to make this album even worse and more generic than the music on its own would already be.

Trident Wolf Eclipse is a very "modern" album, in the very worse sense of the word, that starts of sounding like later Peste Noire, with all the tropes and gimmicks, and none of the originality. Then it surprises the listener by becoming even shittier, like a thrashy Gaythenburg melodeaf rendition of every war metal cliché, and then goes all Gorgoroth, complete with the nu metal chugging of Quantos Possunt ad Satanitatem Trahunt. Is there any originality here, though? As mentioned, the vocalist Erik Danielsson sounds like a non-transvestite Ahriman who has actually learned to perform black metal shrieks, or perhaps a ballsier and HIV negative Chuck Schuldiner, but still sounds rather undecided in his sexual orientation.

Watain try hard to mix it up and provide variety from generic and mediocre pieces, and the end result on Trident Wolf Eclipse is precisely that... a pot-pourri of mediocre black metal clichés and aesthetics, with none of the haunting atmospheric madness of The Epilogue To Sanity or the majestic grandeur or Hvis Lyset Tar Oss. Hell, it even fails when compared to a decidedly third-rate Beherit clone.

Random, Worthless and Retarded


There's a lot of "dirt" on Erik Danielsson, Watain's frontman who is mostly known for (1) his pathological lying - he claims, for instance, that it was he who killed Euronymous as part of a "satanic ritual" and that he sent Varg Vikernes to prison because he was "well connected" and "against neo-nazis and pagans" -, (2) literally wearing diapers on stage as he is prone to shit himself when performing his "vocals", and (3) said horrible attempts at black metal "vocals".

Where to begin... Erik Danielsson - someone who has successfully latched onto the "black metal" label but is clearly not "of it", in the same way that a tapeworm is not part of the digestive tract of a mammal - is another case study of how those championing tolerance towards "blackened metalcore" and other genre-squatting nonsense, in the name of black metal "progress", have endeavoured - whether intentionally or simply because they are retarded - to steer it into absolute sterility. Danielsson, and his Jewish boyfriend Mikael Svanberg ("go fuck your jewish god" takes on a whole different meaning), have literally placed the unthinking "hive mind" at the front and centre of what they do.

They have turned their following of alienated angstsy teenage sub-human detritus that spends too much time on the internet masturbating to homosexual pornography, the type that Watain praises as "a middle-finger to European dogma and Fascist morality" into virtual bots for their retarded "theistic satanist" philosophy, which amounts to little more than "inverted" Christianity - aka Christianity, it's like reverse psychology for retards, but you get to feel "superior" and "totally not like those Christian scum" because you kneel to Satan (a deity from the Bible), and not God (a deity from the Bible) - and now they are laughably trawling and trolling through the "underground", claiming to be the "only true black metal band", while incongruously keeping all their trademarked mallcore chugs and stolen Slipknot riffs.

This sudden pinpoint turn from the "progressive and forward thinking black metal" press releases of The Wild Hunt to "the only true black metal band" talking points of Trident Wolf Eclipse is merely a measure of how stupid, pliable, and unthinking their sheeplike followers are.

The band Watain is like a walking parody of all the worst stereotypes associated with black metal culture (and heavily promoted by Hollywood), down to the hypocrisy and cult like nature of some bands, led by a crypto-religious "guru" - a very typical "Semitic" behaviour that contrasts with the North-Western European ethos of "No Gods, No Masters" notably espoused by Nietzsche (and pretty much all the original founders of Norwegian black metal). In Danielsson's case, his "religion" is barely crypto at all, as he announces to every journalist and media apparatus that interviews him that he is a "theistic Luciferian" and that black metal is all about "devil worship" and "veneration of Beelzebub", despite not one of the founding members of the Norwegian black metal scene believing in such juvenile and trite idiocy as "devil worship".

Danielsson also goes out of his way to attack "pagan nazis" like Enslaved, Darkthrone and Bathory, and basically anyone who won't play along to his "veneration of Beelzebub media act", while his own band Wa(shits)tain is essentially just a buffoon troupes, a literal clown show of macaque posers that makes worthless, retarded mallcore music and call it "satanic black metal" to impress their intellectually-stunted fan base. Replace with Yggdrasil, Filosofem or anything else from the "pagan nazi" - i.e. actual black metal bands - crowd that Watain detests so much.

Trident Wolf Eclipse score: 0/100.

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