I Laugh at Ahriman! - "Attera Totus Sanctus" Review (0%)
Ahriman, damn... can you be any more obvious that you want to be the next Jacoby Shaddix?
Metalcore? Seriously? At this point, can either you or your band even sink any lower than this?
I guess they could be Watain, Summoning or Wolves in the Throne Room.
Maybe also Dimmu Borgir or Gorgoroth, but even Dimmu Borgir released one semi-decent album - something Dark Funeral never did - and Infernus' facebook meltdowns are sometimes funny.
This album really leads nowhere and it might be both its best and worst quality.
Best, because as I said it's metalcore, so the less goes on the shorter the tracks and the less you have to listen to this shit-tier defkore vomit. Worst, because after 5 albums you'd think that the Dark Funeral tards would finally understand how to produce music, but they still don't... even after 5 albums, it's the same inconsequential tapestry of boring tremolo power chords over triggered blast beats that don't do anything.
No atmosphere, no variation, no narrative, no intensity... Attera Totus Sanctus is just an excuse for MIDI drums and the same tremolo chord progressions used on every other Dark Funeral album.
Dark Funeral are yet more Swedyke metalcore pretending to be "melodic atmospheric extreme metal" and failing miserably as they really wish black metal sounded like Nightwish and Enya instead of Darkthrone and Vermin.
I Laugh at Ahriman!
Dark Funeral is nu metal, nothing more.
The whole "devil worshiper" gimmick looks like a Korn shirt came to life, and in addition to being retarded it's completely antithetical to the black metal ethos as any self-proclaimed "devil worshiper" like prolapsed artist Inferanus, the clown Ahriman, the cross dressing buffoon Nergal, or Erik Danielsson the screamo cuck of Watain would have been immediately laughed out of Norway by Euronymous, Fenriz, Varg Vikernes and Samoth.
You have to be a massive contrarian or an insecure soyboy like Ahriman to pretend liking this overly stylized metalcore on the sole basis that Ahriman and his third rate Avenged Sevenfold worship act, Dark Funeral, are "true satanic church burners"... unlike the Norwegians, who are, what? There was a grand total of 0 churches ever burned in Sweden, even Queerthon of Bathory admitted as much.
Attera Totus Sanctus is barely above Wa[kums]tain. Same "satanist" gimmick - which is a lie, Ahriman was raised a Christian by his mother (a Catholic even!) - same boring goth rock played with tremolos, distortion and blast beats.
They will say - in press releases - that this is "Dark art". No, it's not. When the music is blatantly obvious, when you've spent the last 5 albums recording the same riffless and dickless harmonic minor wankery from the same chair on which you masturbate to Burzum and Demonecromancy while only aping the surface aesthetics of these bands and not the spirit or deeper meaning, that's the exact opposite of "dark".
They could say that it is "br00tal" hard rock music. But it fails even at that. Rock makes you bang your head, it is often shallow, yes, but enthusiastic and violent. Look at Reinkaos. Listen to any Dark Funeral screamo and then to Reinkaos. Which one is more brutal? Which one is more violent? Maybe the latter is better because the artist shot himself out of conviction, showing his absolute disregard for this world, in contrast to money obsessed "satanic artists" like Dark Funeral, Watain and Behemoth, who turn the other cheek faster than a Christian Bible thumper presented with the "big package" of his priest (LOL).
This band is a joke, their "music" is boring rock n roll like AC/DC, but gayer because they can't even admit their Christianity they have to dress it up as "satanism" which is the same thing.
Theistic Black Metal = Unblack Metal = SPECIFICALLY NOT BLACK METAL!!!
Christianity = Satanism = same religion that says turn the other cheek, no wonder these bands suck at music they were "well trained" by their priests.
Attera Totus Sanctus score: 0/100.
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