Worse Than "UnBlack" Metal - "Minas Morgul" Review (0%)
Remember when Christians were trying to get their weak and sterile version of emo rock accepted by the black metal scene? They even had a name for their boring diarrhea, they called it "unblack metal" and it sucked about as much as you can expect from the name.
They had studied the topic of black metal well, copying down to the corpse-paint and guitar playing style, but the illusion only lasted for about three minutes on the particularly naive and gullible. It sucked, hard, to the point of having more bands, zines and merch than active listeners.
Summoning's relation to Christianity and the "unblack metal" scene - and all five fans that compose it - is debatable, and different sources vary as to whether or not it should be classified as such. For instance, they criticize Catholic crusades but also called satanists "racist", people who defend Charles Darwin "nazis" and even called evolution - the scientific theory accepted by all except anti-fascists and Christians - as "bigoted white supremacy".
In turn, their activism in relation to "social justice" issues such as LGBTPQ+ rights and the "refugees welcome" photo op - alongside a Christian minister, of all people - were mocked by black metal fans for being analogous to cuckoldry, and more importantly for being part of what's called "secular humanism", a barely crypto avatar of Christianity - and recognized as such by most Christian denominations, which is why they consider "social justice" activists their "brothers in faith".
Regardless of their stance on the subject of Christianity and its variants, the "music" of Summoning is nearly identical to the "music" produced by the late (rest in piss) "unblack metal" scene: the same use of fake instruments (drum machine, MIDI guitars and synths), the same shoegaze and emo influences, the same reliance on major scales and melodies, the same boring, droning, riffs that go nowhere and never develop into coherent atmosphere, and the same overt preachy tone that makes Catholic sermons sound virile.
Summoning is gay Christian music. It's even worse in some regards, because where Christian "unblack" bands made a good faith effort to at least reproduce the surface elements of the genre they were co-opting, Summoning just plays their plastic stadium rock riffs under a heavy dose of "vintage black metal" distortion, something easily obtained considering that the band uses MIDI guitars on most if not all of their releases.
Black metal's unique lineage, spirit and ethos prostituted as a "lifestyle product" for Christian preachers, feminists, homosexual activists (see the band's own Facebook diatribes) and professional anti-racist lobbies alike. The perfect combination of neurotic preaching, group think and simplistic morals overtones for an oasis of insanity that would make Pat Robertson - the Christian, zionist and anti-racist television preacher - proud.
Protector and Silenius, you will wear the crown of shit like your ideological forebear, Jesus Christ.
Worse Than "UnBlack" Metal
Gallons of sperm flow inside the vocalist's throat, creating an interesting vocal effect that nonetheless fails to deliver. The riffs are excruciatingly unexceptional, even for stadium rock, a genre from which Summoning borrows the "social justice" ideology in addition to the music. I wonder if they would be spared in the Soviet Union. Nevertheless, they got their 15 minutes of fame by selling anti-fascist, anti-rational and anti-black metal ("unblack") protest music.
Imagine early Satyricon if you chopped their balls off, took away all the good ideas, made the tracks ten minutes too long, oh and made it not sound like Satyricon at all as Summoning do not even play black metal, they play indie rock.
This is not an album for people who like black metal, it's an album for politically motivated militants who want black metal to be, or become, what they like. Specifically, it's a studied combination of indie rock, emo punk, crustcore and doom metal, most notably borrowing from early Nightwish, Dimmu Borgir, Cradle of Filth and sometimes Satyricon. It makes itself obvious in the protest rock style of clearly identifying what it complains about - "racist metal fans", named as such in both lyrics and interviews - and makes that topic safe by construing it in the same Good vs Evil game that Christianity likes to play, where moral absolutes are used to control the masses so no one has to think.
Even the Lord of the Rings thematic choice isn't just gimmicky, as Protector has stated multiple times that he believed Tolkien to be "against racism and white supremacy" because he was a "fellow Christian". Ironically, or not, that didn't stop user "antifa666" from calling Tolkien a nazi in his biased Gorgoroth review. Talk about biting the hand...
What's left if you remove the black metal imagery, stolen Burzum riffs and (heavily processed) vocals from Summoning's music? Lame protest rock, of the Christian and/or anti-fascist variety. Rock music never admits to being rock music, as it understands that the rock genre is plastic, ephemeral and boring. Why does Miley Cyrus - another "anti-fascist Christian" - pose at being edgy? Because ultimately her songs are about nothing. They have no content, and they sound like nothing. Just like Summoning.
Most rock music is "message music" because all that differentiates one rock band from another are the sung lyrics looping over the same boring chord fills. Black metal - real black metal, not "unblack" stadium rock - sounds like what it writes about. Under a Funeral Moon sounds like chilling Scandinavian winters, Verminlust like the onset of psychosis and dementia, De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas like an occult ritual is taking place, Hvis Lyset Tar Oss like getting lost in the desolate forests of another era, Divine Necromancy sounds like demonic possession, hell even The Birth of a Cursed Elysium by a band that received its fair share of criticism around here sounds like the industrial hedonism of a futuristic, robotized and thus inhuman(e) society.
What does Summoning sound like? Nightwish with distortion? Hans Zimmer with raspy vocals? Coldplay with drum machines? Graveland with more hooks and none of the atmosphere? Summoning's music communicates nothing beyond the vacuous and superficial "advertisement jingle" tunes that you can easily recognize from every Disney movie ever.
It's pretty telling that despite receiving massive hype from mainstream publications as "the only true black metal since MayHem [sic]" - including praise from the laughable Vice Magazine and even the Israeli Breitbart for their stance against "intolerance in black metal" - none of Summoning's albums have ever been recognized as anything more than a particularly bland version of stadium rock by the underground.
Minas Morgul is no different from the rest of Summoning's releases - save for their debut which at least featured real drums and real guitars - just more bland and tasteless U2 riffs played with distortion, stupid emo vocals, and synths whose cheesy leads are more akin to those of a (bad) video game soundtrack than to symphonic black metal.
If they want to preach their wack religion via music, then they have gospel. Barring that, they have screamo. But black metal has done nothing to deserve its reputation getting soiled by association with such as risible band.
Summoning is just a Tolkien-inspired social justice stadium rock outfit pretending to be "avant garde" and failing miserably as they really wish black metal sounded like Nightwish and Enya instead of Darkthrone.
Minas Morgul score: 0/100.
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