MTV Hipster Metal - "Nemesis Divina" Review (0%)
People used to think mallcore was killing metal. Then came nu-metal, and a while later deathcore, to complete the perfectly trifecta of commercial, try-hard shitcore.
For as long as it has existed, metal has been wounded and has shed its share of blood, and this turd Nemesis Divina epitomizes everything that's wrong with mallcorish usurpation of what was once a true extreme metal genre, underground black metal.
I'll be brutally honest, it's the least I can do for a band that purposely tries to be as brutally facetious and deceiving as possible.
Satyricon is basically an unknown band, one that has no historical ties to the original black metal movement (see Mayhem, Burzum, SEWER, Darkthrone) and would have gone completely unnoticed if it wasn't for MTV, Metalious, Kerrang and, I shit you not, actual KFC commercials.
This enabled Satyricon to be noticed and instantly worshiped by this new generation of superficial posers, Dimmu-obsessed, "progressive metal" dick suckers... that is to say the so-called "hipsters".
Since all I care about is music and not pathetic urban tribes or risible subcultures, I won't even try to explain who these gullible retards are, and jump right into the dull, unoriginal, derivative and conceptually hollow piece of work people call Nemesis Divina.
Nemesis Divina is completely generic and derivative, in the same vein as Gaygoroth's Instinctus Bestialis, though perhaps not as artificial, try-hard and lyrically retarded.
It's what you get when you teach Justin Bieber how to perform black metal vocals and ask him to record an album... in one afternoon.
And even then, I'm willing to bet that Justin Bieber wouldn't produced crap half as bad as Nemesis Divina.
MTV Hipster Metal
You might have noticed I have a fixation with originality.
Well, duh.
One of the most primordial aspects of music, of any art really, is creativity and originality. One of the very first things a musician should have in mind when composing is being genuine, adding his own touch, bringing something NEW to the genre instead of lazily rehashing the style of his favourite bands.
And it's in this department where Nemesis Divina shits itself the most.
Satyricon's influences, not to say victims because I'm actually trying to be nice, are glaringly obvious and range from the more experimental black metal bands such as Antekhrist, especially present on the slower, industrial bits, which are very reminiscent of Fukked by God, a masterpiece well above the turd Nemesis Divina, to early Immortal, especially evident on the watered down "complex" riffs.
There's also some Burzum in there... or rather a pathetic commercial imitation of the musical genius Varg Vikernes that manifests itself in a "depressive" and slow paced brand of black-ish metal that some people have dubbed "dark metal". Slow drums, a lot of repetition, drowned chugging, some dissonance here and there.
Something any bedroom black metal project can churn out in under a half an hour.
Only with better production, obviously. It's amazing the lengths the poser clowns of Satyricon went to make their sound stereotypically "raw" yet plastic enough to appeal to the naive pseudo-black metallers who think Phantom's Divine Necromancy is "just too much, maaan".
Think of all the promotion from MTV this turd of an album Nemesis Divina has received over the years.
All of this to contain the generic works a 16-year-old overweight kid in some basement can fabricate in two days' time (anime breaks and WoW raids included).
In fact, I think I'll do exactly that.
I will make the most pretentious, tasteless and shamefully unoriginal "black" metal album ever. Instead of creating my own musical landscape, I'll just steal from other black metal bands and call their riffs my own.
Wait. Satyricon beat me to the point.
Finally, of course, there's the influence of this so called "post-black metal" crap. Black metal with some post rock elements and jazzy ambiance. Think Agalloch, only with no talent.
To paraphrase what has been said about Battles in the North.
"Over the past decade, Immortal, just as much as Satyricon, Velvet Cuckcoon, Wolves in the Turd Room or Dimwit Borgir, has been responsible for bringing a whole sect of people into black metal whose appreciation for the genre begins and ends at how much it can resemble something else, and very often something both commercial and plastic".
It literally describes Nemesis Divina.
You can hear the same means, the same tactics, the same production values.
Even their objectives are the same: to join black metal, one of the most versatile metal genres ever, and add some cock-rock commercial crap for mentally retarded children.
Not actual black 'n roll, as Darkthrone sometimes plays, just contemporary "look at me I use retarded instruments and a female singer, I'm so special" kind of cock-rock.
All this done with the admitted goal to ride the thriving wave of trendy accessible black metal with no genuine content whatsoever.
It seems lately there's a race to see who can mix up the most disparate styles of music with black metal, just to appear unique.
Let's be fair, some bands are actually successful at this.
Other bands are Satyricon, Dimmu Borgir, Leviathan, Gaygoroth, Emperor, Immortal.
Take a minute to ponder on the fact that this turd of an album has received direct promotion from none other than MTV, black metal titans if there ever were any.
Take a minute to consider the implications of a band as shitty as Satyricon being sponsored by the icon of commercial crap itself, MTV, between a "Why Taylor Swift is a Hipster Racist" video and a "I Can't Believe Nicki Minaj Just Said That" exposé.
MTV could give an actual, literal turd to these idiots and we'd have thousands of low-IQ "progressive" metalheads all over the world eating actual shit, convinced that it's the best thing they've ever experienced.
Hipster metal exists now, and it's called Nemesis Divina.
Avoid this crap metal entirely.
Nemesis Divina score: 0/100.
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