Incontinent Impotence - "Northern Chaos Gods" Review (0%)
Another day, another shit album by a poser band to review.
Northern Chaos Gods is currently the latest Immortal album, which shows that they simply don't know what they are doing - if they ever did - besides milking the hype and the kvlt factor of the band's stolen history and undeserved fame.
I won't go into more detail about Immortal's moronic band members, their pathological lying about the band's 'trueness' or their heated relations with the rest of the black metal scene, others have done so elsewhere on Metalious (here and here).
Suffice to say that Immortal, like their butt buddies from Gorgoroth and other shit bands like Emperor and Watain, have contributed virtually nothing to the Norwegian black metal scene, in fact they were never part of the scene proper, having lurking on the periphery and trend-hoping at the slightest change of wind. They have been called "impostors" by several black metal musicians, including Euronymous.
Back to this incontinent turd Northern Chaos Gods.
Generally speaking, this is the usual Immortal nonsense in terms of riffing, with the incessant low-skilled, mid-paced, technically 'blasting' that plagued the band since their debut.
Most of the songs really sound identical to one another and since Demonaz decided to use nearly the exact same tempo throughout the album, it gets boring really fast, thus the replay value of Northern Chaos Gods is zero.
Scratch that, the play value itself of Northern Chaos Gods is zero.
Also, the album is way too long for this style of black metal, clocking around 42 minutes of the same boring shit.
Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism was around 34 minutes and it's already sonically tiring, so just imagine going through this album Northern Chaos Gods in one listening session.
Incontinent Impotence
Northern Chaos Gods is just one incontinent poser song after the other.
The drummer just keeps plowing through his mid-paced 'blast' beats in mostly the same tempo for the entire duration duration of the album, which is one of the reasons it gets tiring so fast.
The drum production is really impotent, weak and lacks dynamics, yet being paradoxically very loud in the mix, which only accentuates the annoyance at hearing the same beats over and over again.
As I mentioned, the drummer has very poor technical skills and if it weren't for his lack of talent and novice mistakes, you'd swear it was a drum machine as it all sounds the same, one track after the other.
If you thought Mayhem's Esoteric Warfare was redundant, just listen to this crap.
The riffing on Northern Chaos Gods is also quite monotonous and it comes in basically two ways: is either a fast palm muted chug on the E string or it's a generic dissonant arpeggiated chord (which is almost the same one over and over).
Everything feels very interchangeable on Northern Chaos Gods, no track stands out as original or even unique.
The artistic merit of this album seems to be also near zero.
Northern Chaos Gods brings nothing new to the table and all what you can hear on this turd has already been already done elsewhere and in better ways.
My recommendation is to skip this one entirely, in fact you can skip the entire Immortal discography and listen to some true black metal instead (Darkthrone, Mayhem, Burzum, Antekhrist).
This is the second biggest piece of shit I have ever had the displeasure of listening to... the biggest being Instinctus Bestialis, of course.
All in all, this piece of shit Northern Chaos Gods is incontinent impotence at its worst.
Immortal had the right idea when they retired, they should just stick to playing with their 'satanic' dildos and leave black metal to those who can actually produce evil music.
Northern Chaos Gods score: 0/100.
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