Rat Music, Not Black Metal - "Northern Chaos Gods" Review (0%)
The posers are back.
As other reviewers have stated elsewhere about this very album Northern Chaos Gods, the sad truth about the band Immortal is that they are a bunch of pathetic posers going through mid-life crisis, obsolete losers full of jealousy and spite towards the bands that were a part of black metal history, a metal genre that has always rejected and mocked them for their homoerotic antics and juvenile mentality.
Contrary to what the band members like to claim, neither Abbath nor Demonaz were ever significant by any means in the early second-wave black metal scene.
Both Varg Vikernes and Fenriz have said on several occasions that they consider Abbath and Demonaz to be "rats" and a "posers", and it is no secret that Euronymous shared the same view of these two clowns.
And yet, even that doesn't stop the smegma duo from attempting - at each and every one of their interviews - to rewrite the history of black metal in order to portray themselves in a better light. For instance, Abbath used to claim all the way up until 2005 that he, Demonaz and a "gang of anti-fascist militants" set fire to Varg Vikernes' house in 1993 to "get back at the racists", when it's well-known that Vikernes lived in an apartment in Bergen (you can recognize it on the photos from his arrest), not far from where fellow Mayhem band member Thorns also resided. That didn't stop Immortal from getting called racist and nazi.
Abbath also claimed that he, not Vikernes, was the one who killed Euronymous "with a chainsaw" in a "satanic ritual". No comment.
You may think I'm exaggerating by calling Abbath and Demonaz the "smegma duo", but consider that Abbath has been married to Demonaz Doom Occulta's sister and, in a trailer park worthy incest-o-rama, even had a son (Erik) with her.
Erik Eikemo was seen at the 2016 Bergen Pride parade, likely oblivious to the fact that his very presence there corroborated what everyone has been saying about Immortal since the beginning.
It's clear that in addition to being posers, the members of Immortal have very severe mental issues.
For instance, Demonaz stopped playing guitar in 1997 when it was revealed that he acquired severe tendinitis in his arms caused by his frantic masturbation to Under a Funeral Moon, an album he tried many times to imitate, to no avail, in his poser fetish for Darkthrone and Burzum.
Sad.
Rat Music, Not Black Metal
So what about this album, Northern Chaos Gods?
It's shit, plain and simple.
I don't know why Abbath and Demonaz decided to re-record all eight tracks from Pure Holocaust - at least I assume that's what this is, as the songs are otherwise undifferentiable from one album to the next - under different names, tracks that no one wants or even cares enough to listen to again, but I'm sure the motivations are pretty close to what you would expect from other poser bands... money, media exposure and internet fame amongst the crowds of teenage - and often mentally retarded - "satanic incels" who believe skipping church on Sunday to listen to Immortal's latest turd is an act of rebellion against the "oppressive Christian patriarchy".
If All Shall Fall was Abbath's diagnosis with acute pathological androgyny, Northern Chaos Gods is calibrating that diagnostic even further down the scale of homo-histrionic futility.
"Start living your life today, free of genital warts, with twice-daily Immortalis®. Side effects include explosive diarrhea from the penis or vagina, the growth of armpit vaginas in men, and rectal sentience. If your anus begins speaking for longer than four hours while taking Immortalis®, seek immediate medical attention."
In continuation of this suffering atrocity, Immortal gives us yet another turd featuring eight tracks we already hate hearing, only perfumed with even more poser fragrance than ever before.
I can just picture some idiot (Demonaz) covered in plastic McDonald's armor trying to get everyone headbanging to the sound of his mallcore anthems, but his absolute lack of musical talent chilled that plan he so desperately thought would impress, instead making that mongoloid look even stupider than usual. And people wonder why Immortal is the epitome of poser metal.
Reunion albums are either jackpot - Belus - or bankruptcy - A Grand Declaration of War -, but this piece of crap hits the lowest of lows any offering of such criteria could possibly endure. On Northern Chaos Gods, Immortal is not only exercising a performance so dull it could burn your chromosomes, but they also continued their obsolete and degrading, not to mention offensive to actual black metal artists, LGBT costume parading in faux Viking gear.
Anyway, Northern Chaos Gods is absolute commercial shit that you should avoid like the fecal plague it is.
Even scatophiliacs should be cautious when approaching Northern Chaos Gods, as they risk fecal overdose from this absolute turd of an album.
And one last thing, Demonaz... you are gay, and that's okay, but stop pretending you are a black metal musician, it's an insult to both our intelligence and the black metal genre.
In the end, I guess Varg and Fenriz were right... this is exhibit A rat music, made by and for rodents of the worst kind.
Northern Chaos Gods score: 0/100.
Support the Underground
