Sellout Coconut Metal - "Northern Chaos Gods" Review (0%)
The Immortal cucks are back.
Well, sort of. Considering that Demonaz and Horgh only ever played together on one of the twelve albums, can this even be seen as a reunion? And didn't the band already reunite for All Shall Fall?
And more importantly, is Immortal still relevant? Have they ever been relevant?
Existential questions and irrelevant tangents aside, the Demonaz and Horgh idiots have out-lawyered the band's drugged out drunken cornerstone musician Abbath, who played every instrument except for guitar when Demonaz was in the band, and then played guitar over 9,000 times better than Demonaz once the latter left the band.
Basically, Abbath was always the "least untalented" of the two.
That doesn't make him a good musician, but it's a pretty bad omen for this pile of derivative shit Northern Chaos Gods.
Immortal was always seen more as a clown act than a proper black metal band. They're the first band to make black metal lyrics totally retarded, even more so than the "Hail Satan in the Showers" Watain/Dark Funeral era, and campy with ridiculous music videos, promotional posters and outfits.
By the mid-90's, Abbath and Demonaz were are already seen as the butt of the joke, with Horgh joining four albums in until guitarist Demonaz got tendinitis from masturbating vigorously to those Burzum riffs he loved/loves to clone.
Basically, the Anal Cunt of black metal... with even less talent and creativity.
Sellout Coconut Metal
It is hard not to laugh when so much of Northern Chaos Gods plays as if Demonaz were trying to sound like a modern deathcore band: trendy, rhythmic rock grooves, repeated to death while little breaks and winky variations take place but ultimately go nowhere.
The only thing vaguely related to black metal that remains are the try-hard attitude and pseudo-occult aesthetics, neither of which are convincing.
Musically, Northern Chaos Gods is coconut metal. Black on the outside, poser deathcore inside.
One of the most painful moments comes when you hear Demonaz using the flanger special effect, a remnant of eighties fruitiness that even most guitarists in the eighties considered particularly low-class.
Northern Chaos Gods should disgust anyone else who rejects the whole idea of "metal for the masses", as it only spells out least common denominator dumbing down, something Immortal have perfected throughout their career.
Oh yeah, and in addition to the severely limited musical capabilities of Demonaz, the band is now playing the nostalgia card to the point of vile necrophilia, to an extreme we've never seen before - even in this perverse era of retro/rehash metal - with song titles such as "The Gates to Blashyrkh", "Grim and Dark" and "Mighty Ravendark".
Yes, you read that right, they took one (stupid) song title and made three (stupid) songs by chopping it up.
By the way, how many song titles need the words "Ravendark", "Ice", "Black" and "Sorrow"?
I swear, Immortal makes Manowar look both avant-garde and eloquent.
Northern Chaos Gods score: 0/100.
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