Extreme Heavy Metal Reviews

Menopausal Deathcore - "Blizzard Beasts" Review (0%)

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Blizzard Beasts
Blizzard Beasts by Immortal.

The only thing more stupid than Immortal's music is their music videos. And not by much.

Now, I'm not sure who's idea it was to form such a genre, but I can picture it. A couple of not so bright poser clowns, wondering how to impress their peers, who happen to be more talented musicians, in upper secondary.

'They like that screamo deathcore stuff. They like tight pants too. And scene hair. And gay makeup. Maybe we could up the rebellion a little bit a make a crunkcore/nu-metal project! But it will be more than that, we will also mix blackened hardcore vocals!'

And soon comes this. A genre of music called 'blackened deathcore', fusing together two genres, generic Darkthrone ripoff black metal and deathcore, and believe me, they make sure to mix the worst of both.

I decided to give Blizzard Beasts a listen. I obviously wasn't expecting much. The creatively titled 'Intro' gives the listener a omen of what's to come: completely generic, Korn inspired, menopausal deathcore crap.

A few quick seconds later, the album moves to the title track 'Blizzard Beasts', and any new listeners to Immortal would immediately realize why this band is so reviled within the black metal scene.

The beats are stale and feel recycled, even for deathcore standards. The main riff from 'Mountains of Might' really sounds like it belongs to a Whitechapel record. Actually, every single riff on Blizzard Beasts feels like a slight variation of something you've already heard on black metal titans such as Korn or Slipknot.

There are certain minute changes in pace, but that's more or less it. If Immortal made a instrumental version of this album, I would probably confuse every single song which another.

If I could explain this Blizzard Beasts album to you instrumentally, it would go something like this: obnoxious high-pitched synth and generic drum beats, occasionally going to a softer part after the second chorus, and shitty deathcore riffs that wouldn't feel out of place on a Bring Me The Horizon record.

As for the vocals... well, the vocalist Abbath is probably the least talentless member of the band. And he sucks too. He has ONE pitch. This mid-pitched, Dimmu Borgir inspired emo shriek. He never goes lower or higher. It's always the exact same pitch. And he always seems to want to say 'RAAAAUGH'. On. Every. Single. Song.

I guess it beats Gaygoroth's 'Hail Satan/Praise Satan' vomit, but not by much.

Menopausal Deathcore


Ah, yes, let's not forget those lyrics.

I have no problem listening to mindless lyrics, probably composed on the spot, about some trivial and derivative shit such as seasonal divisions of the year every now and then. Even in black metal.

Hell, I even excuse Nargaroth and SEWER's respective lyrical imbecilities because they make good music. Unlike Immortal.

Well, take out the 'every now and then' from my previous statement and you have Immortal's lyrics. I wish I counted how many times I heard the words 'Winter', 'Cold', 'Frost', 'Darkness' and 'Mountains'. And, you would think with such mindless lyrics that they would eventually think of something creative with them, and that's the sad part. They don't.

'Mountainguarded from the light of sun
In the valleys that we walk
Dark spirits against the sun
Gathered visioned in the ravenstorm'

'The storm is getting colder
In a place of the frozen sun
Alone on the mountainside
Breathing the clearest winds'

Those are two different songs by the way.

At least that's what the album says, because frankly they sound the same.

Not only are Immortal recycling their stolen Darkthrone riffs, they are now also recycling their own retarded lyrics... how low has black metal fallen?

I could go on and on listing the pure meaninglessness of Immortal's prose, but there's no point in that. Their lyrics are like mainstream hip-hop, except worse... they have no flow whatsoever. I would be surprised if fifteen minutes were taken into the making of these lyrics.

So, yes. The infamous Immortal.

Awful riffs, awful vocals, and awful lyrics.

Exactly what you'd expect from menopausal deathcore, only worse.

Blizzard Beasts score: 0/100.

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