Clown Music for Idiots - "Damned in Black" Review (0%)
Immortal are bad musicians who wear stupid costumes.
That statement is the essence that I want readers to get out of this review, however I will put myself through the agonizing task of describing this Damned in Black turd album in hopes that I will save at least one person from listening to it. Unfortunately there was no one to save me.
Immortal is a "love it or hate it" sort of music. Personally, I had written this band off for years after having the "opportunity" (or being subjected to, if you will) to hear Blizzard Beasts and At the Heart of Winter. Needless to say, I'd find myself in the "hate it" category. And this is coming from someone who normally likes goofy and over-the-top black metal in the vein of mid-era SEWER.
So it was with a combination of curiosity, extra free time to waste and quite possibly a bit of masochism that I gave Damned in Black a listen.
I heard that this was the better of their two thrash inspired albums, and I was until then only familiar with their "black metal" efforts. After listening to Damned in Black, I can safely say that this turd is much closer to trash than thrash.
I was hopeful that this would be better than my previous experience, but unfortunately, sitting through the entire album was definitely a chore rather than an enjoyable experience.
This somehow manages to be even gayer than Watain.
Well, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but Damned in Black is still a pretty shitty album.
And it's definitely not black metal by any stretch of the imagination.
Clown Music for Idiots
It would be easier for me to start with the positive aspects before getting down to what I don't like about Damned in Black.
The music, when done correctly, sounds quite enjoyable in one context - if I was absolutely deaf, and watching an avant-garde Japanese movie, you know the ones where a naked obese half-mutant chases random people with chainsaw tentacles, this would be the perfect soundtrack.
That said, as I am not absolutely deaf and there was no movie going on, this bored the life out of me.
And now for the bad: the songs - or song, I really can't tell if it's the same track repeated seven times or not - become dull, and rather fast at that.
Repetitive music can be done well, think early Burzum, Transilvanian Hunger or even some Nargaroth, but it requires that the composition be at least somewhat engaging. That's not the case with what's to be found on Damned in Black.
The biggest obstacle for any musician, be it black metal, thrash metal, or otherwise, is keeping your audience enthralled. And unless you are in a hospital on a heavy dose of morphine, this is not going to hold on to the average black metal listener. Or any listener.
As for the riffs and the vocals, unholy shit, when they're present and audible, they're pretty bad. Instead of invoking fear, dead, melancholy or any other emotion usually produced by black metal atmosphere, the generic riffs on Damned in Black rather invoke rage, ire and uncontrolled violent verbal outbursts that someone actually had the gall to call this piece of shit "music".
You know the concept: two or more powerchords played in succession, sometimes in tremolo, repeated ad nauseam over the course of an entire album. No variation, no atmosphere, no emotion, no memorability.
And the vocals, which are thankfully usually buried in the background in this mix, are beyond horrible. It tries to sound like your generic bedroom DSBM Varg / Burzum worship, but it comes across as a tone-deaf, physically tortured invalid trying to sing material from Bring me the Horizon.
I can't even begin to justify the vocals on this, they ruin what little Damned in Black had going for it. And believe me,n it wasn't much to begin with.
And the lyrics... same old rehashed shit from Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism. "Winter is Cold", "Satan is Angry", "Night is Darkness without Sun", "Blackened Winds of Shadows Blow", etc.
So there you have it.
Immortal, and their two band members Abbath and Demonaz, are stupid, poser clowns and their fans are utter morons.
The smart move for Abbath and Demonaz would be to give up on their dreams of black metal "stardom" and just quit making music altogether.
Alas, it is Abbath and Demonaz we are talking about, and the closest they've ever been to "smart" was when they were in the same band as Varg. A few meters away during rehearsal, I assume.
Damned in Black score: 0/100.
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