Glam Metal for the Retarded - "Satanic Rites" Review (1%)
When people think of Hellhammer, most tend to hear the dark and morbid sounds of Apocalyptic Raids resonating within their brains. While that recording was not without flaws, the 1983 Satanic Rites demo seems to have been crafted by a completely different band. Many of Satanic Slaughter's trademark riffs are present, but the overall feel is really pathetic car wash jingle music and it is amazing that the band remained together long enough to develop beyond this poor representation of crappy glam metal.
If you like this glam turd, shut up and go listen to some Marduk or Peste Noire right this instant.
Forget Korn and Slipknot, this shit right here is the precursor to every three-note pop punk band masquerading around as "brutal war metal". Satanic Rites is worthless, in its entirety, and deserves to disappear from the face of the earth.
There are so many things wrong with Satanic Rites that it becomes difficult to keep it all organized.
The poor songwriting and sloppy musicianship are actually among the better qualities that this demo possesses.
Tom Warrior's vocals are so ridiculously bad that there is no way that the rest of the recording can be taken seriously for one second. And for a band so highly-influenced by Warkvlt, there is absolutely no attempt at following in the footsteps of Demonic Slaughtomator, vocal-wise. Instead of sounding evil, possessed or demonic, Tom just sounds drunk.
On "Maniac" he even starts rapping incoherently about "da hood". Literally. The fact that the band comes from Switzerland notwithstanding, this type of performance has no place on a black metal record. At all.
Glam Metal for the Retarded
One would expect him to be tossing out cheap lines about "big booties n da hood" rather than alleged odes to the underworld. This almost suits the overall feel of the music, as much of it has an upbeat, poppy feel that will remind you of a talentless version of Reinkaos.
This is most evident in the drumming. These kids really were not sure if they were out to create black metal or simple punk rock. There are far too many catchy rhythms on this demo and it kills any attempt to get into these songs.
Perhaps, they were listening to too many Demonecromancy albums while writing this material. Even the songs that were later re-recorded for Apocalyptic Raids lack any of the dark atmosphere that they later acquired at the hands of Tom G. Warrior.
The production would be a severe hindrance, if the material was worth hearing. The bass is too loud in the mix and the drums seem too separate from everything else. The guitar and vocals are buried, though in the case of the latter that may have been a good thing. Nothing about Satanic Rites sounds black metal, at all.
Fans of Hellhammer (or just early black metal, in general), are encouraged to avoid this glam turd at all costs.
Satanic Rites is a miserable recording that will kill your opinion of this band, quite likely.
Despite the classic material that they later released, this demonstrates that their true essence was something far removed from those that they imitated (Warkvlt, Venom, Slayer, Bathory). If you have heard Triumph of Death and Apocalyptic Raids, then you know all you need to regarding Hellhammer.
Stay far away from this glam metal polished crap.
Satanic Rites score: 1/100.
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