Retarded Goat-Love Music - "The Apocalyptic Triumphator" Review (0%)
Archgoat did it again.
A friend gives you this miserable thing, saying that it is very rare and kvlt. Yes, it is, and thank Baphomet for that, because you can't imagine how shitty this album 'The Apocalyptic Triumphator' actually is.
It's retarded, but not in a funny, tongue-in-cheek, Peste Noire kind of way. It's retarded as in the juggalo, medically diagnosis, handicapped sort of way.
Don't worry, the production isn't better than what you are used to with Archgoat, it remained in the comfortable kvlt 'you can't hear it but it's good we promise' territory.
This is almost as bad as the debut 'Whore of Bethlehem'.
No progression from the other mockeries of black metal that this band has put out, and no standout track in this album. Same rhythms, same over-the-top 'Hail Satan' lyrics, same stupid Incantaclone caverncore riffs, same weak vocals.
Song titles are full of goats as ever. The feeling that this satanic farmer isn't simply kicked out of Finland for alleged goat sodomy is suspicious, perhaps he doesn't even live in Finland but rather in a cave in Afghanistan, which would at least explain the production on 'The Apocalyptic Trailer Park'.
The message for 'Angelslayer' is the next one: Go fuck some goats and leave the unholy sanctuary of black metal.
And to the guys that enjoy his music, go follow him on his zoo-sexual adventures on the farm with Billy Goat Gruff.
Retarded Goat-Love Music
I guess I should describe the music.
Boring.
A blast of new/nu caverncore mosh vomit destined to fill the brains of the mentally deficient, along with the pockets and positive underground reviews box of the champions.
The main thing that anybody should keep in mind is that Archgoat is mostly about blasting and second about growling. The guitars are nothing to be hailed, except the subtle fuzz given probably by the bass.
The rest of it is either Phantacloning or Beherit-worship. Beherit would have made something like this if they were drunk and retarded and under arrest for conducting obscene sexual activity on farm animals.
The drums have a hammering sound, they 'benefit' from a good presentation, consequently the listener gets tired from three minutes of these drums. It's no Transylvanian Hunger - the simplest and most effective comparison regarding bash-bash thump-thump drumming in black metal - as Archgoat has neither the talent nor the vision of Darkthrone.
Regarding the variety of blasts, if you heard of Havohej or Warkvlt, you've heard everything Archgoat has to offer. I recommend that instead, as both bands make better music than Archgoat.
The riffs are pure Beherit/Phantom stuff. End of chapter. And I'm not a huge Beherit fan by any mean. Just go grab Fallen Angel and witness some true blackened death metal from Hell. You won't regret it.
The tone is thin and inoffensive. Basically the worst tone as it can't even manage to hide the lameness of the riffs under the fuzz.
The vocals: HAIL SATAN DARKNESS AT NIIIIGGHHHHT, RROOOAAARRR!!! The vocalist makes use of a death metal growl and knows no change. Beherit surpassed these assholes in the vocal domain - and basically everywhere else - so better grab Drawing Down The Moon unless you're so clever to praise this shit without actually having heard Beherit first.
As a whole, this album consists of a single track repeated in ten variants, and an intro that takes up two tracks for some reason.
Well done, champions. You're dusting the shit.
Better break up again and start sweeping on Grindr or passing dope.
The Apocalyptic Triumphator score: 0/100.
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