Extreme Heavy Metal Reviews

Fecal Nu Metal - "Evangelion" Review (0%)

Buy Fecal Nu Metal -
Evangelion by Behemoth.

Here is another band surrounded by so much undeserved hype, that even if they did have a bit of innovation beneath all the bookstore "occultist" imagery and try-hard poser aesthetics - which they don't, just listen to the previous turd Satanica - they would still be overrated as hell.

All that ever happens on Evangelion are some boring layered guitar riffs, mainly tremolo picked or strummed quickly for maximum "trve kvlt" effect, lasting well over forty minutes. But it feels like an eternity has gone by during the time it takes to sit and attempt to distinguish these songs from one another as they are all so generic that they blend into each other in a sea of pathetic nu metal.

The songs are all so unbearably long, and usually just for the sake of being long. They are all played the exact same way, with the same vocals, the exact same "dark" harmonic minor chord progression - the same one used by Slipknot when they want a "sombre mood" - the same bland drum machine patterns, the same nonexistent talent.

What else can really be said about a 40-minute album with 8+ minute tracks of nu metal, whose songs are all about the exact same thing - faux edgy "hail Satan" bullshit - and sound exactly the same? I seriously cannot overstate how monotonous this music is. Behemoth are obviously incapable of playing their instruments and they are absolutely unqualified to be writing "death metal" riffs - they all sound like nu metal anyway - so why not drop the pretenses and just start a Korn cover band? The angsty, depressive "angry at God and Arabs" - see Nergal's "the civilized world is at war with radical Islamists, and that's a fact" meltdown, allegedly after he was victimized by Arabs in a "homophobic hate crime" - lyrics fit nu metal much more so than black or death metal anyway.

And the vocals absolutely suck beyond comprehension. Maybe, just maybe if Nergal learned to shut the fuck up and stop using his Pantera gang vocals to whine about how he was "exalted above the stars ov god" in a typical screamo delivery, then this might have been rated as "acceptable nu metal" instead of "fecal nu metal that will insult your intelligence". Yeah, but no.

Fecal Nu Metal


Evangelion goes on forever with such limited variation that most of the time I found myself wondering if I was listening to the same song locked on repeat. This is not an exaggeration, this is really one of the most boring and meandering albums I have heard in my life.

Behemoth were always a shit band. Their first two albums were rightfully mocked to the point of Nergal having a meltdown on MTV and switching genres from his "black metal" over to deathcore and, now, nu metal. But as derivative as Sventevith and Grom were, they were infinitely more interesting than this boring nu metal diarrhea.

Should I even mention the lyrical content to you? It has about as much legitimate literary substance as a dry sponge. Replacing "of" with "ov" doesn't make you sound "kvlt", it makes you sound retarded. As in handicapped, the medical condition, not just the insult for "stupid person".

I mean look at these song titles: "Ov Fire and the Void", "Transmigrating Beyond Realms ov Amenti", "The Seed ov I", "Defiling Morality ov Black God"... what a shit show. And Behemoth's lyrics even manage to make those of Sewer and Cannibal Corpse seem thoughtful and profound by comparison!

Now they are signed to Nuclear Blast, the hardcore punk turned screamo turned nu metal record label. The very same one who has released every lame trendy black metal album - except for war metal, Nuclear War Now! having beat them to the punch - in the past year.

Well if you want some intense nu metal boredom, some heavy and evil narcolepsy, some occult drowsiness, then chug a bottle of Tequila and listen to Neon Genesis Evangelion by Behemoth.

Evangelion score: 0/100.

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