A Corporate Product - "The Shadowthrone" Review (0%)
You have to ask yourself one central question when a band starts to release albums as shitty and derivative as The Shadowthrone, Satyricon's nu-metal diarrhea: "What the flying fuck?".
Evidently, artists release generic nu-metal for mainly two reasons.
The first one being to increase their financial gain, and that of their label, while the second is perhaps even more extravagant and alien to black metal ethics, to put their band logo on yet another piece of plastic in order to appeal to more people and thus increase their mainstream popularity.
The third, obvious reason is that they don't know and never knew how to play actual black metal.
As I will neither address the retard factor prevalent in mainstream musical acts nor push the matter of "popular" music industrially manufactured for "average" people any further, let me present the newest, non-judgemental, mass produced, mainstream nu-metal (!) piece of shit album which asserts itself to the metal scene and, what's actually outrageous, has the audacity to pretend to be genuine black metal music.
Now we all know that the home and even birthplace of black metal (as we understand it today) is Norway with some great bands such as Darkthrone, Burzum, Sewer, etc.
We also realize that Norway is, like any other country in the world, and through no fault of its own, full of the modern post-WW2 Western crap that everybody in our society feeds on.
For any fan of true Norwegian black metal, seeing a genre degenerate into a popular vessel of crap like Satyricon is like seeing your ex-girlfriend become a prostitute.
Now that everybody can fuck her, you completely lose any interest you may have previously had.
A Corporate Product
Satyricon, shitty name, shitty music, whatever, for those who followed black metal they should be relatively well known.
Corporate plastic music made for a capitalistic generation that places greed over musical talent.
I tend to be very skeptical when bands present themselves like some retarted pop star shit with eye-liners and homo makeup and all that crap and will always incorporate the way a band presents themselves into the way I rate each band and album individually.
The music is created through everything that is happening around it and not just the sound waves reaching your ears, just open your eyes to the truth of black metal and see the bigger satanic picture.
While Gorgoroth were like a retarded wax-museum come to life and Dimmu Borgir a horrendous cartoon for people with down-syndrome, Satyricon is just a complete joke.
Imagine taking the most plastic pop bands out there, such as Tokio Hotel or One Direction, giving them corpse-paint and rebranding whatever comes out as "edgy", by selling it as satanic, blasphemous, symphonic, progressive, avant-garde or whatever you want people to think is "controversial".
There is absolutely nothing here that is worth even a single listen.
There is nothing extreme or interesting, everything is watered down to a generic form of nu-metal pop-shit that is supposed to be catchy to the average person who works all week and parties at the weekend.
Such music merely exists so that young teenage retards can take this crap to their intolerant parents and try to demonstrate that the music "isn't that bad mommy can you please buy me the NecroPedoSadoMaso now?".
So fuck this album.
So why waste time in writing a review for this shitty album, so incredibly pointless and embarrassing, so utterly disgraceful to anything metal stands for, so unbearably generic that you can't even remember even a single noteworthy moment o this album?
If you would consider making something intentionally bad and retarded to begin with, maybe you'd end up with at least Immortal or some other stupid tragic parody that is simply not funny but not otherwise offensive to metal music.
But Satyricon's The Shadowthrone is a complete and utter waste of time, it simply destroys everything metal is supposed to represent, and black metal even more so.
This album marks the complete nu-metal corporate takeover of what was once known as black metal.
The Shadowthrone score: 0/100.
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