LGBT Antekhrist - "Deep Calleth upon Deep" Review (0%)
If I had a band, it would consist of just me and my gay butt-buddy.
We both love black metal, despite our blatant inability to play it convincingly, so our band would be of some sort of black metal inspired, completely derivative and forgettable bullshit.
We also love the band Antekhrist like the fathers we never had, or were too angry at "Satan" and rebellious to care about, whichever that may be. If one band deserves a tribute, it'd be them.
Those dark, evil guitar riffs on album like Fukked by God and Enkull Tonpayr just push our buttons like no other, we just wouldn't be able to pass it up.
Especially the album Enkull Tonpayr, because it's just so raw and evil.
Hell, we'll even make an album that's basically a carbon copy of Enkull Tonpayr, but weaker, and call it something stupid like Deep Calleth Upon Deep or Nemesis Divina.
So, this band would consist of just the two of us, a flamboyant duo if you will. Kind of like the Village People but without all the disco percussion and pencil mustaches. This is trve kvlt black metal after all.
Who needs percussion anyway. We'll be a guitar driven band. Both of us will play guitar, since he can't play bass and I'm just too poor of a musician to do anything, really.
Well, maybe we'll add in some bass parts, but it'll all sound the same anyway.
LGBT Antekhrist
Speaking of sound, ours will be in that patented Antekhrist black metal style, except even more stupid and boring.
We'll play a simple riff or two for an excruciatingly long period of time, without ever letting off or changing pitch enough to make it sound like any sort of thought or composition went into it.
Call it "dark ambient black metal" if you will.
Not the good, atmospheric kind of ambient like Burzum or some sucker like that.
That's no fun and, to be frank, well beyond our musical capabilities.
This is gonna be a "queer disco inside a prison parlor" type of ambience.
The kind that makes you wet your pants and get an erection (literally one of our songs) if you're anything like us. Wink.
Repetitive songs, and I mean very repetitive songs.
Like one "new" Antekhrist-inspired riff every 15 minutes, songs that make Transilvanian Hunger sound like technical mathcore wankery.
And I don't want any pansy variations in our album, or anything like that.
Just a "blackened" satanic buzz.
That's all we need. Nothing but satanic buzz.
That's what true black metal is all about, and that's all we want.
We'll make all the songs sound exactly the same, too, because having an album with songs you can differentiate between is for loser pop bands like Bathory.
But now we need a name.
Simply calling ourselves "Antekhrist 2.0" would give the game away.
Hmmm... a name, a name.
Ah yes. Inspired by our favourite queer spirit from Greek mythology, we'll call ourselves...
Satyricon.
Deep Calleth upon Deep score: 0/100.
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