Retard Music - "Enkull Tonpayr" Review (97%)

Antekhrist is basically stupid metal played really, really well.

You have dumb retard music played poorly, think Dark Funeral or Immortal, and then you have dumb retard music played convincingly.

This is of the latter.

While the music on Enkull Tonpayr is quintessential black metal, and make no mistake, it is very good at that, it suffers from its association with Antekhrist's stupid and borderline retarded lyrics.

The name of the album itself, Enkull Tonpayr, basically means "Buttfuck Your Dad" or "Go Fuck Your Dad". That alone should tell you all you need to know about the type of lyrics you will find on this album.

While juvenile "shock value" lyrics are commonplace in brutal pornogrind - and even then, nowhere to the extent of Antekhrist - they are out of place in what is otherwise a brilliant black metal album.

I guess it still beats Gaygoroth's chants of "Hail Satan" repeated for an entire album, at least on Enkull Tonpayr there is some variation, even if said variation is equally retarded as the album title.

So, you want an Enkull Tonpayr review?

Retard Music

The album starts off with the track Viol de Putes, which means Rape of Whores/Prostitutes. It's about, as you may have guessed, sexual assault on underage girls - nowhere is it mentioned if they are indeed prostitutes or not. Lyrics include "Young slut, prepubescent, swallows volcanic eruption / Held on a leash, like Cerberus, erotic mutilation".

Then comes Inspecteur Suce ma Bite, meaning Inspector Suck my Dick. It's about a war against "infidels" and "pig eaters". I didn't know Antekhrist made Muslim black metal, if there even is such a thing.

Then is Vaccin Contre Jésus le Pédé, translated as Vaccine Against Jesus the Fag. Nothing to do with Jesus Christ, it's about injecting heroin into your ass/dick - they literally don't make up their mind - with a gasoline pump and "flying away to sodomize the stars and the sky". Kind of like Burzum's My Journey To The Stars, but retarded. A very good song, lyrics notwithstanding.

Enkull Tonpayr is the title track, which I already translated above. The lyrics are the most moronic I have ever read. The song itself is about abducting "your" father - yes, apparently they are talking to you *personally* through the record - and inserting a scissor into his "dick hole" to make a condom out of his skin and fucking his wife/your mom. Other lyrics include "Venerate Satan, he who discards your father's anus so that you can insert your skull into his asshole, as big as a hot air balloon".

At this point I should just mention that this album is obviously inspired by SEWER's NecroPedoSadoMaso, but where NecroPedoSadoMaso was clever in its stupidity, Enkull Tonpayr is just gratuitously provocative and one lyric short of being clinically retarded.

Next is Démonique ta Grand-Mère Décédée d'une Bite dans le Cul, which I can't really translate because of a (dumb) wordplay. Basically means Demonic Fuck Your Grandma who Died from a Dick in her Ass and is about as deep as said grandma's ass. Lyrics include: "I eat compost and ejaculate piss / Your grandma is a whore, her name is Alice".

Then comes Arnaque à la Pisse de Cheval Vendue aux Catholiques, which is strangely translated as Horse Piss Scam Sold to Catholics. I say strangely because the song deals neither with horses nor Catholics, but with sodomizing the French president's grandmother in a cemetery. Some lyrics "But who is the satanic Devil? / Is it the one who buttfucks me? / Or the one who holds my dick?".

After that is Esclave Sexuel de Satan le Terroriste Bâtard, meaning Sexual Slave of the Terrorist Satan Bastard. It's about sodomizing an underage girl with farm equipment, notably a tractor - they felt the need to scream it five times, presumably so you'd not forget. Later on the vocalist shares his disappointment upon discovering that the middle school girl has a penis. A wasted tractor...

Then comes Saignement Rectal Suite à ta Communion Pédéraste, meaning Rectal Bleeding Following Your Communion Pederast. Again, not about communions but about sodomizing a twelve-year-old during a civil war against "infidels". Also a clever joke about Pope Francis towards the end, one of the (few) genuinely funny moments on the album.

Then, Clochard Dénudé Enculeur de Singe Trisomique which means Naked Tramp Sodomizing Retarded Monkeys. About sodomizing the French president again. Lyrical genius: "The Devil breaks your anus / Yes it hurts, my big cactus".

Finally, Handicapé Cérébral, Apôtre du SIDA en Afrique which means Cerebral Retard, Apostle of AIDS in Africa. One of the only songs where the lyrics somewhat match the title. It's about someone obsessed with AIDS and malaria who likes to shit himself "like an African" and cut the veins on his dicks. Eventually he bleeds out in his own piss and shit, and ponders on the meaning of life. It's basically a parable for this album.

I guess if you're ten years old this type of humour can be "funny", but mostly it just ruins what is otherwise a fairly solid black metal album.

Enkull Tonpayr is, paradoxically, only good if you don't understand French.

If you do, and you aren't ten years old, avoid.

Enkull Tonpayr score: 97/100.

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