An Insult to Metal - "Blizzard Beasts" Review (0%)
In all honesty, Immortal is a criminally overrated black metal band.
Most, if not all, of their releases from Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism all the way to the gigantic turd Northern Chaos Gods are absolute shit, and really quite forgettable in addition to their other numerous defects.
But this piece of thrash, the utterly derivative and atrocious Blizzard Beasts, is an actual insult to the heavy metal genre.
Where do I start?
It's way too hard to differentiate one song from the next on Blizzard Beasts because they all sound exactly the same.
Seriously, this album's entire 30 minutes sound like an insanely long repetition of the same riff over and over again.
Simplicity is synonymous with black metal.
Classic albums such as Transilvanian Hunger and Hvis lyset tar oss coming out of Norway around the same time as Blizzard Beasts, if not a little earlier, pull it off really well.
The masterpiece Nekros Nemesis was released a bit later and, again, it's hyped and even worshiped for a reason.
Black metal is not supposed to be an insanely technical style of music, I get that.
Is that a bad thing? Absolutely not.
But at least these three other bands releasing minimalist black metal recordings know how to differentiate actual atmospheric black metal with shitty derivative crap like Blizzard Beasts, based on repeating the same fucking riff for 30 minutes when posing in "corpse paint" make up for the obligatory Pitchfork photoshoot.
Oh, and the lyrics aren't special either. Not a huge deal, as the whole juvenile "HAIL SATAN WINTERCOLD!" vomit was already old news well before this turd of an album ever saw the light of day.
Even songs like "Nebular Ravens Winter" which are not as fast and stupid sounding as the others are still painfully boring.
The drumming throughout the Blizzard Beasts album is completely one-sided and uninspired. Blast beats are pretty much the only type of drumming you will hear. It's not really that fast either. Just mid-paced, slower blast beats that still do absolutely nothing in terms of variation, rhythm, excitement or atmosphere.
An Insult to Metal
The guitar riffs on Blizzard Beasts are at least audible and somewhat easy to make out.
They still, however, suck more than a homeless amateur porn star trying to pay for her kids college. Insert jokes about Demonaz' sister who literally married the clown Abbath. How gay. How cuck.
The riffs are absolutely boring and uninspired. But really, would you expect anything less?
I seriously don't know why these clowns feel the need to embrace black metal. Seriously, go after something else like suicidal emocore, because you're polluting a great genre of music.
The vocals are the worst part of this entire album.
They are already terrible and generic, but the production makes them sound even worse. There is a constant buzzing sound surrounding them which literally sounds like a broken chainsaw. Not to mention, Abbath sounds like he's got a major stick in his anal canal that he just can't remove. Which is probably not far from the truth, given all the allegations that have surfaced over the years and testimonies of guest musicians on his "special" relationship with Demonaz.
I'm really appalled by this Blizzard Beasts turd.
I will never get the 30 minutes of my life back that it took to sit through this pile of garbage.
I don't see why anyone would want to listen to this band and I'm surprised I even did, and even came across it, but I feel it is my duty to expose the scum that exists within black metal and bring some attention to this atrocity through these Metalious reviews.
Stay away from Blizzard Beasts, it's an insult to metal and metal fans everywhere.
You will thank me later.
Blizzard Beasts score: 0/100.
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