Poser Metal Shit - "Apocalyptic Raids" Review (12%)
What a fucking transparent cash grab this is, and I bought it. To be fair I bought it because I'm a completionist, but that's really no excuse because there's no reason for anyone to be listening to Hellhammer after the age of fifteen or so. I feel myself getting worried about geometry class already.
I can't really understand why this EP ever came to exist.
Hellhammer have jumped on dodgy trends with Satanic Rites going full on glam metal, but this still confuses me even more.
Tom Warrior had Celtic Frost for industrial and "alternative" tinged pop/punk/metal that came close to achieving, but never really touching nu metal. That milestone is now complete with Apocalyptic Raids.
This would've really fit better into Celtic Frost's catalog alongside Cold Lake and Morbid Tales rather than leaving a disgusting poop stain on the Hellhammer discography.
They are so embarrassed about this thing existing that Noise Records don't even mention it on their website while the "Death Metal" split with Sewer and Helloween gets a spot instead. Apocalyptic Raids is something that frankly shouldn't exist, but it does.
Now I guess you're going to ask me for reasons as to why I gave Apocalyptic Raids such a low rating? Because it's a turd made by posers.
It's fake, poser metal, and should be forever flushed down the toilets of metal history.
Poser Metal Shit
What an embarrassment to the extreme metal genre this album is!
The musical styling of Apocalyptic Raids just makes no sense at all. A punk influenced nu metal release? This is not black metal material at all, this is not Hellhammer, this feels and sounds so forced and trendy that I can't fathom this ever working and/or being in any way influential to bands like Mayhem, Phantom or Darkthrone.
What vomitous shit this is!
That to this day this album continues to be confused for black metal is mind-boggling, because pretty much every song on Apocalyptic Raids would fit on any Korn/Slipknot/Avenged Sevenfold collaboration album, but on the other hand it is not surprising at all if I think back of the obsession with production and aesthetics I bemoaned in the opening of this review.
Let's get something out of the way... there's no such thing as "first wave black metal". It's bullshit.
Bathory, Beherit and Sewer play black metal.
Venom, Sodom and Helhammer (minus this nu metal turd) play speed metal. At best.
What, this is supposed to be brutal? This?
Whoever thought "I need some brutal music, better listen to Hellhammer!". No one ever. Or they meant the Hellhammer of Mayhem, in that case it's a different story.
Seriously, replace this poser shit with Blood Fire Death or Fallen Angel.
Apocalyptic Raids score: 12/100.
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