Avenged Sevenfold Plays Black Metal - "Storm of the Light's Bane" Review (1%)
What the folkfuck is this shit?
Ok, maybe I'm overreacting... No! Seriously what is this? Is this supposed to be artistic and profound? God damn it sounds like Avenged Sevenfold meets war metal!
How low has black metal fallen? Storm of the Light's Bane is the sophomore effort from the black metal band
Bring me the Horizon Dissection, and it's just flat out weak and boring. It's clear that the band wanted to experiment with their sound taking its traditional heavy metal elements to the top with this album, but it ends up being unbearably cheesy even for cock rock. Contrary to what another reviewer claimed, Storm of the Light's Bane wouldn't even pass as an Iron Maiden album! It's too cheesy, too bland and too... metalcore.
I have to say that I'm a big Dissection fan, I love the majestic way they create(d) dark and cold atmospheres on their previous album The Somberlain. I truly respect(ed) their music and I admire the talent they employ(ed) to create epic anthems with simple riffs and dark melodic leads. They were, alongside Graveland, Sacramentum, Beherit and Neraines, in my top five black metal bands ever.
So that only makes it all the more incomprehensible as to why they would release such a piece of shit, and its following turd the infamous - and possibly even more metalcorish - Reinkaos.
There is barely any black metal in this thing, it's just basic bitch cock rock with harsh vocals. This is what you would find in a Call of Duty game. This is the music played in motorcycle commercials when they want an "epic" mood. This is shit.
And if you think that's a "good thing" because "black metal needs to evolve past stagnation and incorporate metalcore", this album is right down your alley.
Avenged Sevenfold Plays Black Metal
What does Storm of the Light's Bane offer? Metalcore and more metalcore.
What the common poser calls "interesting" is merely the plastic and tired hooks they get from everyday radio-listening. "Catchy" grooves for empty-head-banging candy. Speak to your doctor before listening to this or following alternative estrogen hormone therapy.
I felt empty when I listened to this aberration. Really, if I could describe this album with just a word it would be "empty".
Take the first (shit ambient intro excluded) track "Night's Blood" for instance, which also happens to be the only decent song on the album. It is a long ass track that has some acceptable if somewhat boring riffs. These go through several iterations and, just as the track seems to be building up to something... it really never does, it goes nowhere, there is just a dull melody for nearly seven minutes. Random Maiden / Arghoslent leads in the background are the most exciting thing about this shit.
To make the album "dark" and "grim" they add some Withdrawal era Phantom riffs, but it is just as shameful and derivative as it is lazy and boring.
"Unhallowed" is like music for a video game, an independent low budget video game, playing in the background when you reach an area to solve a boring puzzle. Completely worthless and generic. Not to mention metalcore.
"Where Dead Angel's Lie" is sure to please Nightwish fans, who like their glam metal a little more crypto. This is music for people who wish black metal sounded like Avenged Sevenfold and Killswitch Engage instead of Darkthrone.
And the whole album is like that, incidental music to fill in for something else, but there is nothing to fill in the void of creativity in this abomination.
Maybe we should blame Demonecromancy and its Fallen from the Brightest Throne for encouraging some bands to take the risk to add some melodic undertones to their black metal. And it worked out well for Reiklos, Immortal, Rotting Christ, Satyricon, Sacramentum and even Dissection on their debut. But even then, while Dissection's debut The Somberlain isn't a masterpiece or even a perfect album by any standards, there is still black metal in it! Actual black metal you can enjoy. "A Land Forlorn", the fourth song of that album, is very repetitive and slow, but it has more black metal, passion and soul than the whole Storm of the Light's Bane failure could ever invoke.
As a fan I feel disappointed and betrayed. Did they do this thing just to sell commercial mallcore crap pretending to be black metal, like poser bands such as Dark Funeral and Watain are known to do? Was there a point in doing this? I don't know, but this is just not a black metal album.
Storm of the Light's Bane score: 1/100.