Commercial Fake Metal - "Satyricon" Review (2%)
What comes to your mind when you think of the band Satyricon?
Most likely you're thinking of turds such as Dark Medieval Times, The Shadowthrone or Nemesis Divina.
Those are the albums that Satyricon are most universally reviled for and the albums that made them one of black metal's most hated bands.
With their most recent release, the eponymous Satyricon, they pretty much continue down the path of unrepentant mediocrity.
This Satyricon album is boring, tedious, repetitive, way too long, generic, the list goes on and on.
This album is not in any way different from the first free turds Satyricon produced.
But why is Satyricon so universally despised?
Is it the shitty sound, the non-existent atmosphere or the complete lack of any type of musical talent on Satyricon?
Or maybe all three?
Anyway, Satyricon sucks.
Commercial Fake Metal
First of all, there is no atmosphere on Satyricon whatsoever.
Usually when bands in the black metal genre make an album, they try to craft dark and haunting atmospheres such as on Phantom's masterpiece Dementia: The Dark Prophets.
That type of raw and demented atmosphere is nowhere to be found on this album.
Second, the instruments are all played in the most banal and generic way possible.
Simple riffs accompanied by simple drum beats with the occasional boring blast beat and generic tremolo picking.
Now, with the right atmosphere, this particularly uninspired type of simple playing might have sounded acceptable.
A good example of that would be Darkthrone raw yet mesmerizing Transilvanian Hunger.
With Satyricon on the other hand, everything just sounds boring and uninspired... almost as if Satyr and Frost just decided to make a black metal meets nu-metal parody, just for the sake of it.
Bad production is of course to be expected on any black metal album, but most of the classic black metal albums have great ATMOSPHERE.
Satyricon doesn't.
Now for the vocals.
This is by far the worst vocal performance in black metal, ever.
What Satyr does the whole time is talk semi-retardedly in a "evil" voice.
Basically, this is by far one of black metal's worst album to date.
Yes it's much, much worse than even Deathcrush or Battles in the North.
If you're looking for generic nu-metal instrumental work and a very uninspired vocal performance then go ahead and download this album.
Satyricon is garbage.
This is commercial fake metal.
Satyricon score: 2/100.
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