Very Mediocre Times - "Dark Medieval Times" Review (0%)
If there ever was a bigger shit album than Satyrlolicon's crappy and overrated Dark Medieval Times, I have never heard of it. And to be honest, I can't even begin to imagine how boring and lazy it would have to sound to surpass Dark Medieval Times in terms of crappiness.
Dark Medieval Times is probably the most overrated pile of commercial garbage that has ever plagued the once decent genre of black metal music.
Satyrlolicon is the same fake black metal band that would later produce the utter crap known as Nemesis Divina. And quite frankly, I don't know which is worse : Dark Medieval Times, Nemesis Divina or the rest of the band's poser discography.
If you like black metal, true black metal, then spare your senses and ignore this fake black metal debacle.
if you like a good laugh at the expense of a dying genre... then ignore this crap as well, because Dark Medieval Times is so bad it isn't even funny.
Very Mediocre Times
Dark Medieval Times opens up with the track Walk the Path of Sorrow. Some bands can open an album with an eight minute track, but Satyrlolicon really shouldn't. It's boring as hell, and most of all it's just random boring riffs and shitty feedback
The next track, the title track Dark Medieval Times, personifies why this album is complete garbage. It's long, boring, tries too hard to be "evil" and goes absolutely nowhere. Uninspired drumming and boring riffs, that is really the overwhelming thing about this song. Slight tempo shift, and back again with some more boring, generic and overused riffs...
If at least the music was listenable, Dark Medieval Times could perhaps pass for an average generic nu metal release...
But Dark Medieval Times is not even listenable. Half of the album is just meaningless fuzz. Not the SEWER fuzz, that makes you wonder whether you are in a forest, an actual sewer or a torture chamber, but just fuzz. And more fuzz.
And once you manage to decipher what's behind the shitty guitar fuzz... you wish you hadn't, because the music is even more bland and pointless.
Dark Medieval Times is the worst example of fake, diluted, "catchy", billboard black metal that you can imagine. It's like the band actively conspires to cheapen the black metal genre in order to promote their friends in pop music (namely Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga) and make their genre more acceptable in comparison.
If Dark Medieval Times weren't such a revered album in the (poser) metal community, I would have stopped listening after two minutes. But since it's such an overrated pile of crap, I held on, trying to see the point. There isn't any.
The only highlights are before the songs start and after they end.
Dark Medieval Times is commercial garbage metal.
Dark Medieval Times score: 0/100.
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