Linkin Park Mallcore - "Deep Calleth upon Deep" Review (0%)
Wow.
I thought Satyricon was a black metal band, not Linkin Park on steroids with Fred Durst with strep throat on vocals.
I had heard the eponymous 'Satyricon' and Nemesis Divina, and thought they were both shit, but otherwise still listenable (with effort).
It sounded a lot like Stormblast-era Dimmu Borgir, which, while pretty metrosexual, is still not the worst the 'extreme blackened mallcore' genre has to offer.
But I didn't know they were so pathetic that they had to continue to follow Dimmu Borgir into Abrahadabra-worthy faggothry.
Let's see, the first song is 'Midnight Serpent'. It starts with some techno bullshit, then comes in a semi-decent riff. For Slipknot.
More techno bullshit and complete absence of guitars at all with some overly synthesized whiny screaming.
When they turn whatever annoying effect he was using on his vocals off, Satyr just sounds like Fred Durst of Korn with a strep throat. Either forced low-pitched hardcore grunts or horribly nauseating high pitched whiny screams.
And then comes the extremely gay, happy sounding synthey "clean" chorus.
Fucking disgusting.
Linkin Park Mallcore
This makes Mike Shinoda look heterosexual.
Then near the end, as if the song couldn't get any gayer, they have to do this retarded bridge thingy with the vocalist whining about his pain lasting forever or something. It's like emo but even worse.
The other songs are basically the same, except the track 'The Ghost of Rome' which sounds like The Cure instead of Linkin Park. Which is much, much better.
But it, like pretty much every Satyricon song ever made, is just too long.
And then there's the song 'Dissonant'... holy shit, even Linkin Park doesn't sound as much like Linkin Park.
The only thing slightly redeeming on that track is the short lead, which actually sounds kinda interesting before going into another gay nu metal synth chorus. It even sounds like there's a fucking turntable, and there probably is.
The rest of Deep Calleth Upon Deep is more of the same. But now the vocalist attempts to experiment with different ranges of screaming and fails horribly.
He goes even more high pitched than usual, which is fucking annoying, and tries to sound tough by doing a low growl and just sounds like a fucking idiot.
If you thought the whole 'blackened' nu-metal bullshit could get any worse than the latest Dark Funeral, you were right.
This actually legitimately makes me nauseous.
Stay far away from this album, and from Satyricon in general.
Deep Calleth upon Deep score: 0/100.
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