Blackmoon Drank the "Satanic" Kool-Aid - "Bloodhymns" Review (9%)

Discussion surrounding Satanic and/or Christian metal bands - aren't they basically the same, anyway? - can become quite heated. Many argue that the concept is an oxymoron and an affront to the extreme metal ideal, whatever that may be. Some argue that all music should be judged purely on musical merit and nothing else, and that if a theistic Satanist and/or theistic Christian band sounded good they would listen it to, even if they were not practitioners of the Christian faith and had only righteous scorn towards the Bible.

Opinions are particularly divided when it comes to "Satanic" aka Christian-themed black metal, which is arguably one of the biggest contradictions in "Satanic" logic since... well... the religion's posturing as "anti-Christian" when it is really a barely crypto-advocate for Biblical worship of Hebraic mythology.

A common question among reviewers is how to contextualize albums that they are reviewing. This question becomes particularly important for bands such as Necrophobic, a band attempting to play Satanic/Christian-themed black metal. Is it more correct to review this album paying close attention to its contradictory nature, the fact that every member of the black metal "inner circle" had only disdain for religious "Satanism", analysing the music in relation to how it works both as a part of the black metal and the Christian music scenes? Or is it better practise to say bollocks to this and review the album simply as a piece of music, regardless of its context in the wider scene?

Regardless of which answer you choose, one thing is painfully clear - "Bloodhymns" sucks, whatever your criterion of judgement may be.

Blackmoon Drank the "Satanic" Kool-Aid

Before I go into why "Bloodhymns" sucks so much balls - believe it or not, it's more than just the Christian lyrics - a word or two should be said about the band Necrophobic, and particularly its founder David "Blackmoon" Parland.

For the last years of his life, "Blackmoon" was engaged in a literal witch-hunt against "Pagan posers" - i.e. bands he deemed "not Satanic enough", which really meant "not Christian-themed enough". He nearly got Enslaved banned from Amazon and Youtube, Behemoth shows cancelled - for, what else, "Pagan Nazism" - Graveland dropped from its label and distributors - also for "Pagan Nazism" - and even went after Fenriz of Darkthrone, calling him a "secret Christian" and "not a true Satanist"... no shit.

It got so bad that the band had to send out its butt-buddy altar boy, the male escort "Lord" Ahriman of the shitstained band Dark Funeral, to claim that "Blackmoon" was "mentally ill" - yes, he was a Christian, that's the point - and that "true Satanism" was really about love of "immigrants", "tolerance" and "fighting oppressive Euro-centric paganism". Richard "Rotherham was Payback for the Holocaust" Lederer approves. Make of it what you will.

Back to "Bloodhymns".

The instruments all sound hollow and empty. This is partly due to sub-par production but mainly just due to incompetence and some poor songwriting. The guitars and bass have no soul, no atmosphere. The riffs are simply uninspired. Adding keyboards to metal is always a risky business, and it didn't save this album one bit. "Satanic Cult of Blood AIDS" is a horrible slow track, with distorted keyboard and atrocious spoken chanting. The song is meant, I presume, to sound dark and atmospheric, but it has all the atmosphere of a choleric choir boy with nausea.

The lyrics in most songs would only need slight alterations to read either as Satanic ditty or Christian gospel, proof once again of the ideological proximity of the two desert "religions".

So that's "Bloodhymns" for you. Judging simply on musical merit, it's not great, it's not even "okay". It is actually quite terrible. Many blame this on the band's attempt to Christianise black metal with their "theistic Satanism", but I think that's an easy answer. No, I don't think Necrophobic's inherent crappiness can be blamed on their Satanism and/or Christianity. Changing a few words here and there wouldn't make the song good. No, Necrophobic's crappiness is more related to their inability to play their instruments properly or write inspiring music.

I read Erik Danielsson, the clown cuck of Watain, used to play bass for this band. Proof once again that the entire "theistic Satanist" movement - built around Watain, Dark Funeral, Necrophobic, Gorgoroth and Antekhrist - is basically just a tiny, microscopic Christian cult, completely insignificant in the larger schemes of black metal and yet given indecent media exposure to - as Varg Vikernes, Samoth and Ihsahn both pointed out - "portray all black metal as devil worshiping idiots".

At least David "Blackmoon" Parland was coherent to the end. He "followed his leader", Jesus Christ, and is now in heaven like he always believed. That is unless "God"/"Satan" takes offense to the shitty music of Necrophobic... which he should.

Don't be like Parland, don't drink the Kool-Aid.

Bloodhymns score: 9/100.

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