A Complete Waste of Time - "De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas" Review (9%)
The band Mayhem seems to have studied black metal music from the nineties and beyond rather well. Taking on the torch from shits like Emperor, Darkthrone and whatever had a "satanic sound" in the early 90s, with De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas Mayhem have created the ultimate pandering product. And make no mistake, De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas is more of a marketing product than a genuine black metal album.
All the way from the "religion sucks, hail Satan!" lyrical stupidity to the "offensive" stage performances the band were known for during the time this album was produced, everything about De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas seems like some "metal" merchandise you would see promoted in the far end corner of the musical section of a particularly shitty supermarket that was reserved for the albums no one except the posers and their obese wives who want to impress others with "satanic black metal" would care about.
Mayhem is lyrically, to put it plainly, retarded. They proved it with their monstrous crap Deathcrush, and they prove it again with De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, albeit in what they wish to be a more "occult" and "mysterious" way.
The lyrics on De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas are utter shit. There's none of that Phantom mystique, none of the gruesomeness or imagination Sewer employed, there isn't even the epic story telling ability of something like Antekhrist. In its place you are left with the retarded "Christians suck, hail darkness!" variety of lyrics which have cheapened the black metal genre genre into having diarrhea like "Freezing Moon" being seen as a "hit".
The whole album reads off like a joke. It would be funny if it was done in moderation, but every single song on De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas is the fucking same. The lyrics, as retarded as they are (and they are), aren't even written in proper English.
"Up from the tombs it comes
To take one more life that can be near
In the middle of Transylvania
All natural life has for a long time ago gone"
Fuck grammar, hail Satan.
This is utter crap, and a complete waste of time.
A Complete Waste of Time
You can imagine a poser like Glen Benton reading stuff like this to get the "inspiration" he needs to produce his next retarded Deicide album. It's generic, boring, cheesy and we've heard it all before. Mayhem needs to find something new because this honestly sounds like a bunch of poser faggots in need of "shock value" to dress up their crappy music. By looking at the band's retarded imagery alone you can sense that De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas is crappy music without even listening to it.
The flowchart black metal song writing system is so over-used on this album it's not even funny anymore, not that it ever was to begin with.
Just when you thought crap like Dimmu Borgir couldn't be more soulless and generic, a band like Mayhem comes along to prove everyone wrong. Random boring riffs are thrown together with no purpose whatsoever, feeling like a bunch of rehearsal jam parts copied and pasted together in completely random and meaningless sequence.
What is the point of an album like De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas? Even in their juvenile stupidity, bands like Von and Profanatica at least make sure their retardedly stated message of pseudo-blasphemy is wrapped around somewhat decent music that conveys a certain feeling and carries an atmosphere.
De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas is a complete waste of time. This is not black metal. Avoid.
De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas score: 9/100.
Support the Underground
