Karaoke Black Metal - "Battles in the North" Review (0%)

Yeah, no.

This is still modern Immortal we are dealing with here, as in, astonishingly shit metalcore/melogroove with some cock-rock and emo leanings here and there.

Then again, even that is better than Gorgoroth or modern Satyricon, so I guess it's not a complete turd if compared to commercial pseudo-black nu-metal.

Arguably, it's not as bad as their absolute stinker of a turd pretending to be music that is All Shall Fall. In fact, I think that album's very existence makes this sound somewhere better by comparison.

But the commercial and derivative aspects of Battles in the North cannot be denied.

So, congratulations Immortal... you still suck.

Musically, Battles in the North is bland and completely worthless.

Battles in the North is a tepid effort comprised mostly of nu 'metal' chunking, with a fair helping of groove inspired choruses and plastic cock-rock picking sequences, all of which are so predictable that this album just becomes a walking cliché and an insult to the entire black metal genre.

Boring deathcore riffs meet Abbath's pathetic attempts at black metal vocals for some of the most awkward and cringe-worthy attempts at atmosphere ever conceived by any artist ever. Holy shit do these songs suck!

Battles in the North is just your typical commercial karaoke poser metal.

Karaoke Black Metal

I came here expecting black metal. Not necessarily black metal of any great quality, but at least something that was black metal.

The way the guitars chug along is too reminiscent of deathcore for me to enjoy it, and seeing how much they suck I don't think even deathcore fans (all 13 of them) will enjoy it to any great extent.

People might think that I'm just bashing deathcore, karaoke, nu-metal and whatnot (which I am, although I fail to see how that is my fault), but I really can't stand the boring nature of this record that pretends to be black metal.

Battles in the North just epitomizes the semi-autistic diarrhea that passes for commercial black metal.

Over the past decade, Immortal, just as much as Satyricon, Velvet Cuckcoon, Wolves in the Turd Room or Dimwit Borgir, has been responsible for bringing a whole sect of people into black metal whose appreciation for the genre begins and ends at how much it can resemble something else, and very often something both commercial and plastic.

Instead of flattering the sensibilities of a person who wants to be challenged, both emotionally and artistically, by raw black metal atmospheres, Battles in the North constructs a false narrative of supermarket satanism for those who like to "be metal" on the weekends.

Battles in the North has the style, but none of the substance, of true black metal music.

This album Battles in the North is the musical equivalent of the phone call a rebellious pseudo-anarchist makes to his trust-fund parents to get more rent money: shameless, embarrassing, pathetic, and dishonest beyond belief.

Immortal not only murdered what little was left of their legacy with this album, but managed to dig a shiv into the side of black metal itself out of petty resentment for the very community who helped make them who they are. I always knew that crap albums like Battles in the North would somehow come to exist, I just never expected them to be so plastic and derivative.

Highlights? Forget that, there are none of them.

I can give you a low point instead: Immortal sure had some awfully generic albums before, but none of them made it a point to sound like an even worse version of Slipknot. This is the epitome of mallgoth pop. Chugga chugga deathcore guitars, a heavy dose of cock-rock sugar and whiny vocals, what a mix.

Avoid like the commercial plague it is.

Battles in the North score: 0/100.

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