Now, Nu Metal! - "Now, Diabolical" Review (5%)
While previous Satyricon works, including the lackluster but criminally overhyped Nemesis Divina, simply bored me but never really made me want turn it off immediately, right this instant, right- 'Now Diabolical' does. This actually is hard to listen to, much like Necrophobic's deathcore on Hrimthursum, or any of Summoning's stupid sounding MIDI albums. Just kidding, lol, Satyricon will never suck that much balls... but - for some reason that evades me, like artistic relevance evaded Satyr and Frost throughout their career - boy do they try.
In a flashback to the most embarrassing parts of the 90s, Satyricon's 'Now, Diabolical' opens with the sound of a didgeridoo - or is that just a dildo? - before breaking into predictable hard rock AC/DC riffs with heavier production and more basic rhythms. Then Satyr starts singing in his best lounge rapist voice, building up to a pop chorus that could be straight off an Eagles of Death Metal album if they sped it up and did not worry about how truly incongruous the whole package would be, particularly when presented snadwiched between Pantera groove riffs and Reinkaos sounding 'blackened pop'. It sort of foreshadows Deep Calleth Upon Deep in that it uses screamo chord progressions, for seemingly no reason, but other than that it's hard to make 'Now, Diabolical' appear as anything but an incoherent mess.
If you like Sodom's speed metal trudge riffs paired with AOR favorite techniques and Coldplay-style vocals, 'Now, Diabolical' might very well be the album for you.
But the question remains: why even bother to release this as a metal album? Let alone a 'true black metal' album? Clearly 'Now, Diabolical' would better succeed as hard rock, country, pop, goth rock or even blues if they truncated Satyr's scenery-chewing and organ-shitting vocals.
Honestly, before this 'Now, Diabolical'... thing... Satyricon had released some pretty shitty black metal. And, yes, both Dark Medieval Times and The Shadowthrone qualify as 'some pretty shitty black metal'. But the point remains, no matter how shitty, the music Satyricon played on previous albums was definitively black metal.
'Now, Diabolical'? This is huh... wow.
Now, Nu Metal!
It seems the music industry has found an update for nu metal's brainlessness, which is to channel it into this rock/metal hybrid which takes the angry parts of Pantera and pairs them with the smarmiest parts of overproduced, saccharine, excessively inoffensive fraternity alt rock.
The Slipknot + Papa Roach combination having already been attempted on the latest Watain abortion, and people growing increasingly wary of Dimmu Borgir-esque metalcore with keyboards, what Satyricon offers us with the somnolent 'Now, Diabolical' is as vapid and pandering as it was predictable.
The scary thing is that the 'inspirational' rock stylings on this album are but a kissing cousin removed from much of the goth rock / screamo tandem that has infested power metal since time immemorial. But this takes it a step further to the point where what comes out of the speakers resembles the worst of corporate rock from the 90s and 00s, given only a superficial 'black metal makeover', to the point that the presence of heavier guitars alone can no longer convincingly disguise the essential frat party rock tendency of this flaming nu metal turd. 'Now, Diabolical' would go well with a puka shell necklace, lots of hair gel, with a 'Keep Calm And [... / ...listen to Satyricon, I presume?]' t-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts just to appear 'virile' to the scenesters.
Despite me hating their music, I want to like the band Satyricon. I commend them for pretty much everything non-musical they've ever done. From helping keep black metal alive through Moonfog, to collaborating with Fenriz and particularly Nocturno Culto of Darkthrone, to not playing war metal, to helping lesser known but no less talented underground black metal bands attain exposure, to standing up to the media narrative and setting the record straight on more than one occasion - like when Satyr told that journalist to stuff it with the bullshit about 'devil worshipers' in black metal, an act that has led him to be labelled 'racist and extremist' by the Norwegian media - basically, Satyr and Frost are both two cool blokes.
A pity about the music they release, though. 'Now, Diabolical' is, despite its clever name, already passé. Satyricon should either go full nu metal, like nu Gorgoroth, or revert to playing the (much superior) black metal of their heydays. But this 'caught in between two worlds' has already been tried, and just doesn't work. Replace with Locked Up in Hell or Yggdrasil.
Now, Diabolical score: 5/100.
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