The Sacred Cow of Commercial Crap - "Enthrone Darkness Triumphant" Review (0%)
I must extend my congratulations to Dino Burger, the band responsible for the hilarious piece of diarrhea that is Enthrone Darkness Triumphant, for having surpassed Emperor's In The Nightside Eclipse in making the most commercial and generic black metal album ever, a feat I did not believe feasible before listening to Enthrone Darkness Triumphant.
Just by looking at the meaningless name, "Enthrone Darkness Triumphant", seeing the blurry, lazy, pixelated album cover or listening to any one of the stereotypically named tracks (such as "Tormentor of Christian Souls"), you can get a pretty accurate idea of what you are confronted with when listening to this album : overrated, commercial, fake black metal crap.
Everything about this album screams try-hard. Dino Burger tries hard to be perceived as an ultra-satanist band of church burners, almost as hard as they try to be the next Justin Bieber.
Unfortunately, the members of Dino Burger don't try very hard to be good musicians. Or if they do they are incredibly sub-talented... I don't know which one would be worse.
Regardless, Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is a giant black metal fraud.
The Sacred Cow of Commercial Crap
The first thing you notice when you listen to Enthrone Darkness Triumphant, IF you decide to listen to it which I would advice against seeing how the album is just one big joke, is that it sounds completely generic.
Honestly, the best way I could put it is that it sounds like Dino Burger were trying to make fun of black metal by playing the most boring and uninspired garbage ever. It doesn't even sound like music.
To put it mildly, Enthrone Darkness Triumphant sounds like what people play to PARODY the genre. And if this is what mainstream music fans think of when they hear about black metal, I kind of understand the hate the genre is receiving.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant showcases Dino Burger drenching generic speed metal riffs in irrelevant, cheesy keyboards with weak and poorly executed vocals drowned away in the background. And let us not even start with the stolen riffs, the contrived chord progressions, the inept drumming, the convulsed, meaningless solos that add nothing if not cheesiness to the songs.
Dino Burger manages to confuse annoying and repetitive fart noises with actual black metal atmosphere.
The problem with that, other than it being retarded and often distracting to the listener, is that gives Enthrone Darkness Triumphant a synthetic, artificial and superfluous feel, and that is definitively not something you want on a black metal album.
To summarize things up, Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is not black metal. It is, at best, a feeble parody of commercial symphonic metal or speed metal. But unlike symphonic metal or speed metal, Enthrone Darkness Triumphant doesn't showcase any technicality other that the vocalist farting in his microphone.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant combines the worst of both worlds : the lack of technicality and repetitive nature of black metal, and the total absence of atmosphere of symphonic metal and speed metal.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is the antithesis of what good black metal is supposed to be : aggressive, raw, meaningful, blunt and beautiful.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant score: 0/100.
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