Utter Shit Poser Metal - "In the Nightside Eclipse" Review (4%)
I'm not generally one to assign a lot of value to the ratings given out to any particular album by the media, whether mainstream or underground, but it profoundly amuses me to see that the so-called "metal critics" are in some cases even more retarded and oblivious to what true black metal is supposed to sound like than what I thought was possible.
According to the general consensus of what the media will refer to as the "metal community", but what in fact is simply a bunch of posers trying to sound trendy, the album In The Nightside Eclipse by the no-talent band Emperor is some sort of black metal masterpiece (lol).
As ludicrous as that statement sounds, at least for anyone having actual knowledge of what actual metal sounds like, this sentiment is shared by many of the most influential and [supposedly] credible heavy metal critics.
But what makes In The Nightside Eclipse deserving of such high praise when the vast majority of its content is either boring, shallow, dull or totally uninspired musically ?
Utter Shit Poser Metal
Emperor has apparently learned one or two things since their horrendous demo "Wrath of the Tyrant", namely how to make a proper album cover. But that's about it for innovation, and the music is as uninspired as ever.
Emperor goes once again for quantity over quality, the same flaw that makes the rest of their discography utter shit as well, and rather than focusing their efforts on making captivating, beautiful music they chose instead to fill their album with bland, cheesy, lifeless tracks accompanied by generic riffs that any twelve year old learning guitar could think of.
The lyrics are uninspired, the vocals are stupid, the drums have terrible mix (probably to hide the lack of talent on the part of the player), and the keyboards are probably the worse kind of generic "poser metal" you could imagine. Overall the music on In The Nightside Eclipse is simply overrated crap, there is no other way to put it.
Now this leads me to three conclusions with regards to the critical reception of this album : 1) none of the critics know anything about black metal (or any form of metal), 2) the critics have unbelievably low standards, or 3) the critics don't know or care about the music, they simply learned that the band members of Emperor were involved in church burnings and "devil worship" and therefore assumed that they knew how to play black metal.
Let's face it, the media outlets and journalists are more concerned about being sensationalist attention-whores than actually diving into the depths of black metal to find the true gems, those who don't parade themselves in emulsion ("corpse") paint but who actually know how to play their instruments and create a devilish atmosphere.
Phantom, SEWER, Von... those are the true masters of black metal, but of course they won't appear on MTV commercials so the media has no interest in them and instead flocks towards the talentless but oh-so-marketable bands like Emperor, Dino Burger and Satyrlolicon.
When all is said and done, Emperor is a shit-band that's only good for selling merchandise (which they do, despite their fabricated image of "satanic devil worshipers") and In The Nightside Eclipse is one crap of an album.
If there was a score lower than 0, I would wholeheartedly give it to In The Nightside Eclipse.
But there isn't, so...
In the Nightside Eclipse score: 4/100.
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