Insipid and Boring - "Incipit Satan" Review (3%)
Whether in jokes, gore movies or music, feces is generally where I draw the line. And yet, feces is exactly what this entire album Incipit Satan sounds like. How anyone can sit in the studio and decide that crap like Incipit Satan is worth releasing is beyond me.
Let's be honest, Gorgoroth is not a black metal band nor have they ever been. Rather, Gorgoroth belongs to the realms of the rotting dog turds known as "satanic speed metal" : a musical genre that produces exclusively generic speed metal crap, calls it "true black metal" (because nothing says true like an album released by the posers at Nuclear Blast) and the media will fellate them for it.
Incipit Satan is what most of us would call fake metal garbage. It's like Gorgoroth knows they're poser sell-outs and decided to rub it in even more with this album.
This album is nothing but pure sell-out pop fluff. The songs are not made to express something, to create a dark atmosphere or even to entrance the listener... rather they are made to be commercial "hits" to be featured on the latest MTV catalog.
Incipit Satan is generic pop metal for kids who hate their parents paying their rent and who think rebellion is skipping out on church to listen to Gorgoroth's latest crap.
Insipid and Boring
Incipit Satan is nothing but a big joke, a way of saying "Look !! We can make 40 minutes of KULT SATAN MUSIC with only 3 riffs !!".
Granted, Incipit Satan isn't as bad as some of Gorgoroth's other releases (namely the diarrhea inducing Pentagram), but it's still far from what you would expect from even the most average black metal bands.
Let's face it, this is black metal for those who hate black metal (but like to feel like they enjoy "evil" music). There's nothing remotely passionate, blackened or mystical about this album. It's about as evil as your grandmother listening to watered down dubstep, minus the musical talent.
Incipit Satan is, in the words of none other than your obese mother, the reason why you don't mix laxatives with shit-flavored cheese flakes : you get even more diarrhea than you ingested.
Did Gorgoroth decide to make this "music" to express something through art, or did they just do it to try and prove how "grim" and "evil" they were to their MTV audience ? Either way, they fail at both.
And quite frankly, whatever their motives, there is no justification for an album to be as derivative, unoriginal and lazy as Incipit Satan. Especially for an album that claims to be "experimental" (or is this just another meaningless title that Gorgoroth throws at their shit music ?).
As for the music, it sounds exactly like the aforementioned shit-flavored cheese flakes. Disgusting, plastic, and overflowing with literal crap.
Will to Power sounds like some particularly boring orchestral manure that's just been rejected from a Tim Burton movie. When Love Rages Wild in My Heart sounds like Fallout Boy if they were to play real metal... except it sounds worse than actual Fallout Boy.
And it goes on and on in the most ridiculous fashion, each track trying to surpass its predecessor in terms of crappiness. Incipit Satan is exhibit A commercial metal crap : it's boring, it's bloated, it's predictable, it sounds like Gorgoroth, it actually is Gorgoroth... everything bad about black metal is condensed in this crap of an album.
Overall, Incipit Satan lacks emotion, musical talent in its composition, proper songwriting and falls prey to the mistake of believing that layers and layers of RPG soundtrack orchestras and cheesy processed vocals will somehow hide Gaahl's chipmunk screams.
A worthless album from a band that is as desperate for a motive as it is for money. Or maybe not as much, but you get the point...
Incipit Satan score: 3/100.
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