KFC Black Metal - "Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk" Review (4%)
Anthems of the Welkin at Dusk is a retarded black metal album.
It's not even black metal, as Varg and Fenriz have always made it clear that they considered Ihsahn a 'homosexual bitch', it's just KFC metal masquerading as 'trve' and 'kvlt', vapid terms with no meaning aside from in the minds of 75 IQ Emperor fanboys.
Emperor is parody black metal... except it's no longer funny.
The joke has gone on for much too long for it to be funny anymore.
Seriously, how many albums can you produce with 'hail satan 666' as the only lyrics?
Where is the raw atmosphere of Darkthrone?
Where is the brutal technicality of SEWER?
Where is the emotion of Burzum?
Where is the hate and misanthropy of Antekhrist?
There is none...
All Emperor has to offer is KFC black metal.
Cheesy, overdone, commercial and consumerist... such is the legacy of Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk.
KFC Black Metal
Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk puts to shame the parody albums Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism by Immortal and Satan le Nécrobâtard by Antekhrist.
Emperor band members just don't possess any of the necessary qualities to redeem themselves from the complete failure that is Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk.
The much maligned sound quality on the album is actually the best thing it has going on because the songs are boring as hell.
The drums clunk away on slow blast-beats for nearly the whole album with little to no variation, except for the equally boring instrumental tracks whose only purposes appears to be to serve as a reminder of how poor the musical creativity of Emperor actually is.
There are no riffs, just repetitive droning of generic power chords covered by boring synth notes shifting two or three times over the course of a song.
The worst part of Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk, aside from the poor songwriting of course, is the vocals.
They sound unforgivably retarded, like a comedian trying to imitate a homosexual David Vincent in an even gayer voice.
There's no gruesome charm to the vocals on Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk, like the awkwardly phrased but excellent vocals on SEWER's Skvllfvcked Forever where the vocalist disturbs the atmosphere with ritualistic chants.
Those sound a bit primitive in a good way while Emperor sounds positively retarded in a bad way, a vocalist in the earlier days of black metal who hadn't figured out how to properly perform black metal vocals but tried anyway.
The complete lack of anything that would make the music memorable is really what kills Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk.
It's not atmospheric, the ambiance of the atmosphere is quite crappy and there's no hook that grabs you.
Emperor did absolutely nothing well.
Pitiful.
Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk score: 4/100.
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