Nickelback Plays Metal - "Instinctus Bestialis" Review (0%)
MTV sponsored 'satanist', Chad Kroeger devotee and all around poser clown Infernus - sometimes christened 'InferAnus' for reasons best left undisclosed - is back again with Gorgoroth's latest piece of derivative vomit Instinctus Bestialis, an album hailed by Pitchfork and other 'kvlt' media outlets as a 'masterpiece' from a 'rejuvenated' 'black' 'metal' band, yet universally hated by actual black metal fans.
I won't comment on Infernus' antics outside of the black metal scene, you can read more about those elsewhere on this site, but I do have a question for media critics and other faggots who, due to either acute brain damage or some form of undiagnosed neurological defect, consider Instictus Bestialis a decent musical output.
Why the fuck do you listen to black metal?
This question is also directed at anyone who has ever had anything positive to say about Gorgoroth, its members, or similarly derivative bands like Dark Funeral, Wolves in the Burzum-Clone Room and Watain.
An adjective often thrown around is 'catchy'.
Do these retards even bother to document themselves on the genre they are supposed to review, or are they just so infatuated with Inferanus the 'LGBT icon' of 'black metal' that anything and everything Gorgoroth has ever or will ever release, down to the sound of Inferanus choking on his own dildo - something about as musically worthwhile as Instinctus Bestialis - must be praised as the 'pinnacle' of a genre about which they understand nothing, and that Gorgoroth was never even a part of to begin with?
The very concept of 'catchiness', imported from mainstream pop music, is antithetical to black metal. Justin Bieber and Nickelback have 'catchiness'. Burzum and Darkthrone have atmosphere. Different genres, different objectives.
Gorgoroth, despite what the media claims, has neither, but the point is that only the latter makes you black metal.
The brilliance of Hvis Lyset Tar Oss is that each and every time you listen to it feels like the first. The result is that despite being over 20 years old, the album hasn't aged one bit and will still be, for decades to come, the gold standard of atmospheric black metal.
Contrast that with the latest pop hit that, while memorable for a while after listening to it, will be completely forgotten in usually less than a month.
Attempting to herald 'catchiness' as an aspiration of black metal is very much part of the same nu-metalization that ravaged death metal by allowing shit like Wanking the Cadaver and other diarrhea deathcore residue to be rendered stylistically comparable to Possessed, Obscura and Morbid Angel.
If I wanted 'catchiness' and sing-along structures I'd listen to Linkin Park, Nickelback or some other mainstream excrement.
This might come to a surprise for some of you, but there's really nothing intricate, interesting or even pleasant about 'catchiness'. Music psychologists have been studying this 'phenomenon' since the late 50s. Making 'catchy' songs - whose goal isn't to be captivating so much as to be recognizable upon first radio listen - is such as streamlined process, there's one produced every minute.
It takes absolutely no talent, effort or creativity.
And you want to know the real sucker?
Gorgoroth fails even at that.
Nickelback Plays Metal
After hearing the opening track on Instincctus Bestialis and laughing hysterically over how the 'chorus' reminded me of The Monster Mash with random 'edgy' shouts of 'Hail Satan', which are repeated throughout the album for seemingly no purpose other than to get on your nerves and/or avoid having to write actual lyrics, I knew this was another sham operation from Gorgoroth.
Even the 'back to the roots' style Infernus had promised with this album is a lie: Infernus has no roots to speak of in the black metal scene, he is a lower-tier Mayhem clone and has been since he decided to start his band and hop on the black metal trend when he read about the murder of Euronymous in Cosmo.
The music on Instinctus Bestialis is more of the same loud, over sampled/triggered drums and sterile guitar tone and emocore vocals that the masses have become accustomed to hearing from Gorgoroth and that can be found here once again, but with the 'additional instrumentation' - midi trumpets and organs - more prominent in the mix than the band itself.
Another vapid lifestyle pandering media product full of watered down later Morbid Angel/early Mayhem riffs with mechanical mallcore chugging 'grooves' and multi-tracked effete constipated grunt/shout vocals. It's more mass market Hot Topic 'extreme metal' of the banal and blast beat ridden variety.
Songs are comprised of fewer parts this time around, and while you might be led to believe that it would mean more focused structuring of the music, the Gorgoroth trademark of playing random metalcore riffs in tremolo to no end marks its perennial return.
The same old shit music that every black metal fan despises is rehashed once again, but this time concessions were made to 'mainstream' music fans in the form of nu-metal breakdowns and incoherent tempo changes over the same, tired shouts of 'Hail Satan'.
Ill-fitting Immortal styled leads are showcased in these songs - usually over 'anthemic' chord progressions for maximum stadium rock effect - whenever possible which, alongside the simpler nature of this release - even for Gorgoroth's lowest common denominator pandering standards - makes this closer to a particularly boring Nickelback album than ever before.
All of these elements, alongside the 'edgy' album title, the Nickelback-like monotony and the regurgitation of past lyrical themes in variant ways - lots of 'Hail Satan' and generic anti-christian sentiment with mainstream recognizable 'occult' mumbo jumbo - give Instinctus Bestialis the awkward feeling of one of those songs you'd hear at the end of a CSI Miami episode given a 'satanic' metal flavoring.
Vapid.
Instinctus Bestialis score: 0/100.
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