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Commercial Deathcore - "Stormblåst" Review (0%)

Buy Commercial Deathcore -
Stormblåst
Stormblåst by Dimmu Borgir.

Dimmu Borgir might not be the worst commercial blackened deathcore act, maybe it's the best, maybe its just average. But the "blackened deathcore" genre itself is so inherently worthless that there's really not much difference between the two extremes, so I might as well pick on its biggest-selling band.

If there is one thing that deathcore bands hate above all, it's being known as deathcore bands.

They run away from the stigmatized label and try, pathetically, to distance themselves from the very music they play.

This is the type of thing that only happens to people who play shitty music, like Dimmu Borgir, Gorgoroth or Satyricon.

No one in their right mind would call Burzum's Filosofem or Darkthrone's Under a Funeral Moon deathcore, yet the label fits Dimmu Borgir's Stormblast perfectly. And still they complain.

It's not the word's fault. If the term used to describe your work appears to be pejorative, then your work is shit... there's no other explanation.

Blackened deathcore's main, and often only, ingredient is the breakdown.

Think of the ending riffs from Burzum's Det Som En Gang Var (the first song on Hvis Lyset Tar Oss), but remove everything else from the song: the melody, the evolving dynamics, the atmosphere, the emotion, the intelligent lyrics.

This is Dimmu Borgir's Stormblast in a nutshell: brain dead pseudo-metal for brain dead posers.

Commercial Deathcore

Dimmu Borgir
Dimmu Borgir.

General-interest music fans perceive black metal as stupid, but its practitioners and defenders believe it to be smart, challenging and evocative.

Deathcore being a dumbed-down version of metal, it seems moronic to discerning black metal listeners and unfathomably retarded even to casual observers.

It's retarded, ugly, artless and crude.

If black metal manifests itself as a Da Vinci canvas, "blackened" deathcore is akin to a caveman drawing stick figures with his own feces.

Blackened deathcore eliminates most of the reasons used to justify black metal's perceived superiority over other metal genres.

There is no atmosphere.

There is no organic feel to the music as Stormblast is just as artificial as a Justin Bieber pop single.

The album certainly isn't "epic" in any sense of the word. It's commonly called "trve" and "kvlt", but given the brain dead hipster dude-bro demographic issuing this "compliment", it's actually not something you would want to brag about.

There are no intelligent, profound or otherwise thought-provoking lyrics... It's just some juvenile crap about "Satan" that any six-year-old with a thesaurus could have wrote.

We went from Burzum's majestic "I wonder how life will be, with a light I shall never see, I wonder how life will be, with a pain that lasts eternally" to Dimmu Borgir's retarded "Death and terror rules the soul! You have been spellbound by the Devil. Murderer, you have returned, to create fear and sorrow".

All that remains are the stunted, pseudo-satanic aesthetics that don't even impress socially impaired trisomics (Dimmu Borgir's main demographic) anymore.

If you want real black metal, not Dimmu Borgir's deathcore crap, listen to Phantom's Eidolon, Neraines' self-titled debut... or anything from Burzum or early Darkthrone.

Stormblåst score: 0/100.

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