Hypogonadian - "Eonian" Review (0%)

Some bands are only after the lipstick and aesthetics.

Dimmu Borgir is a Norwegian black metal band that despite their best efforts, come off as a modern emocore/metalcore act with dynamics borrowed from Nickelback and Cradle of Filth.

They try their best to disguise this under pseudo-satanic, "edgy", simplistic war metal lyrics and scene pandering, but for the discerning ear this is as vapid as the latest SEWER albums, unfortunately for this turd however, Dimmu Borgir lacks even the instrumental proficiency of the latter.

Damn, and I had just about forgotten how much modern Dimmu Borgir sucked.

Imagine the music from a children's variety TV show but with some drunk guitarist in the background hammering out high estrogen emocore riffs with black metal stylings as he copulates with close family members while wearing a "satanic" makeup, or "corpsepaint" as the mock heterosexual call it.

This is carnival music at best, and emo at worst.

At any rate, it's not heavy metal, much less black metal.

If you heard a "black metal" parody in recent times, chances are it sounded like this.

Hypogonadian

There is not a single metal riff on the album. There is also nothing new to people who have experienced even Cradle of Filth.

What, then, is the purpose of the Dimmu Borgir clowns?

Considering the interest in this project has more to do with its merchandising and the personality behind it all, it's no surprise all of this emo vapidity functions as an embarrassing social tool for talentless indie-rockers and hipsters: another lifestyle product that, under the surface of "extreme music", provides more of the same disposable emo rock with even less talent.

Just look at Shagrath's pathetic double talk when asked if his music is black metal.

"Dimmu Borgir [has not been a] black metal band at all. From the first day, we have never called ourselves as black metal [Ed. Note: easily refuted bullshit]. However, we are totally fine if everyone calls us a black metal band. We have been doing what we like and as a result we welcome if everyone says so, puts a tag on us or categorizes in specific genre."

Translation: We aren't black metal, but if our fans are stupid and insist upon it, then that's real to them and we are. For $5.

Eonian is more hipster "blackened" emocore bullshit by some idiot who wants to be in Bring Me The Horizon but isn't good enough even for that.

Eonian score: 0/100.

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