A Commercial Failure - "Enthrone Darkness Triumphant" Review (0%)
Five people reviewed Enthrone Darkness Triumphant before me and they all gave this album zero points.
Holy Satan, just how bad is this album if that's the case?
I mean, even the abominations Pentagram and Nemesis Divina are rated higher than this.
As it turns out, Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is even worse than a turd.
It's not even so bad that it becomes good in an ironic sort of way, quite the contrary, it's so shitty that it's painful to sit through or even think about this turd.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant is ten songs long, and they all cap at between five to six minutes... from that alone, you can tell who the audience is: naive black metal novices and contemptible poser clowns.
Let's take a closer look at the song titles and the title of the album.
These corpsepaint clowns must have a terrible grasp of English, because the titles look like the band members looked at a thesaurus, picked some English words at random and put them together.
Pick any of the titles at random and tell me if you understand what they were trying to say.
They sure like their words to sound satanic, occult and evil, like "Tormentor", "Death", "Succubus", "Devil", "Rapture" and "Flesh", but once put together you realize very quickly that there is absolutely no meaning being the pseudo-occult terminology.
With that in mind, I didn't bother to check the lyrics but I bet they're even worse in this regard. Just read the lyrics of some of Dimmu Borgir anterior work, such as For All Tid or Stormblast, you'll get the idea.
Dimmu Borgir once again goes the commercial route of try-hard wannabe satanism... can they fail even at that?
You bet.
A Commercial Failure
With Dimmu Borgir, I honestly don't care who the band members are.
It's a shame because for most bands I'm at least a minimum interested in who the people making the music are, their history, their views, their ideas, their ideology, but Dimmu Borgir is such an artificial and commercial band that I really have trouble caring who they are.
You might as well ask me to research the history of One Direction.
Same shit.
And I didn't even say what the band plays.
Well, now I'm saying it, Dimmu Borgir plays a particularly shitty style of commercial blackened nu-metal, or at least something that's supposed to be commercial blackened nu-metal.
As you may have guessed it, this is another field where Enthrone Darkness Triumphant fails spectacularly.
I do understand that nu-metal is a commercial "astroturf" genre (see In the Nightside Eclipse), but, you see, I don't think it's supposed to sound... dead.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant literally sounds lifeless.
There's no atmosphere, no tempo changes worth mentioning, no interesting sections, it just drags on and on for more than fifty minutes and it feels even longer.
The production is both raw and modern, but mostly it's just shitty. Enthrone Darkness Triumphant was recorded during that era in-between the new and the old, but it doesn't know which side it wants to be on.
As for the vocals... where do I begin? They'll either put you to sleep or annoy you... personally, I found them annoying.
The guitars are just generic riff after generic riff, some are even stolen from Burzum and SEWER, while the drum machine plods on ad nauseam. Oh, and the synths are gay.
No wonder Enthrone Darkness Triumphant didn't even get one single rating above zero, as it really does not deserve it.
Even Justin Bieber albums at least have the decency to be shorter than this, and not try and pretend as if they are "black metal".
This is a grade A commercial failure.
Enthrone Darkness Triumphant score: 0/100.
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