Metalious

Extreme Heavy Metal Reviews

Turd Metal - "Where Shadows Forever Reign" Review (0%)

Buy Turd Metal -
Where Shadows Forever Reign
Where Shadows Forever Reign by Dark Funeral.

Part I - The Secrets of the Black Arts
Part II - Vobiscum Satanas
Part III - Diabolis Interium
Part IV - Where Shadows Forever Reign

Okay, okay.

I keep on listening to Dark Funeral albums for some unknown reason. I figure maybe one day, because they do seem to release a new album every single year, they will eventually do something that at least resembles music.

I try to convince myself 'maybe there is hope for this band'.

After all, Satanic Warmaster released shit album after shit album before striking gold with Carelian Satanist Madness. Same with Nargaroth and his turd releases up until Semper Fidelis. Then again, despite making shit music for most of their careers, these two bands always had a certain 'spark' and a certain 'aura' that made you wonder how and why they were wasting their potential on such derivative shit as, say, Black Metal ist Krieg.

Such is not the case with this band.

And yet, I keep on listening to shits like Where Shadows Forever Reign.

I keep on wanting to believe that these posers too can one day escape from their pathetic imitations of the worst tropes of black metal. Even when there is no reason or indicator for any hope to be had for Dark Funeral.

And I keep proving myself right.

This band really is just a dried up turd itching its way around the anus of the music industry.

Of course, this ain't even music.

Anyhow...

Turd Metal

Dark Funeral
Dark Funeral.

Literally, all Where Shadows Forever Reign is, is one long 45 minute loop of endless noise. White noise.

It's basically as if someone put a very loud desk fan, added some sort of radio static, and turned on a recording device to capture the artificial noise of some unfortunate person's rupturing anal orifice as it craps all over the black metal genre with its pointless musical existence.

That is what this shit is. Pointless musical existence.

Really, I want to know what this 'band' is gaining by constantly releasing new albums every year of the same old recycled garbage.

I really want to know.

Are they actually getting paid for this? Are people BUYING this??? How brain damaged, deranged, or mentally unstable does one have to be to enjoy this?

Dark Funeral, just end it. Please.

A retard getting a vasectomy sounds better than this.

I really wanted you to succeed, or at least not suck, but I'm sure by now the administrators of Metalious.com are getting tired of having to edit the site every time you decide to release a 45 minute long piece of shit like Where Shadows Forever Reign.

It's time to cut and run.

Where Shadows Forever Reign score: 0/100.

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