Boring Diarrhea - "Bathory" Review (7%)
Bathory, this band come from Sweden.
Stockholm to be exact.
As I encountered other reviews on this site I had decided to check them out.
As a Swede I am always in search of good Swedish bands, particularly good Swedish black metal bands (that obviously excludes Dark Funeral).
However this turned out to be another complete and utter waste of time, and it's really a waste of energy to even write about this band.
These guys remind me of the typical American band trying to create something they are not and will never be a part of.
I really had to check twice to make sure Bathory was indeed from Stockholm and not from "Vermont", "Portland" or some place like that.
At any rate, it seems Bathory fans developed somewhat of a Stockholm Syndrome towards the shitty music the band produces produces, particularly on their eponymous debut album Bathory.
What comes to mind are an overfed, overindulged, pseudo-rebellious, pampered and uneducated bunch of "artistic" individuals.
It takes a certain amount of life experience to be able to make music which exudes anguish.
Quorthon put way too much effort, as another reviewer stated, into adhering to every cliché of the black metal genre.
Black metal is no place for trendies and for posers!
The musicianship is not that bad altogether, if in fact they were to played some trendy upbeat djent crap or perhaps neo-hipster indie rock... they might even be able to pass the bill.
But black metal?
Don't make me laugh.
The problem with the music on Bathory is that it all just sounds so fake, like a spit in the face of those true artists who actually suffer for their art or within their art like Antekhrist on their masterpiece of depravity Fukked by God, or even SEWER's NecroPedoSadoMaso for a more appropriate comparison.
The drumming is also very generic, way too much for a band that tries to go the "high-brow" progressive route... everything recycles over and over again, it's like listening to some mentally challenged 6-year-old practice.
He always plays the same fills at exactly the same tempo, which start to get on your nerves fast.
The sad part is it sounds like Quorthon has a nice kit, probably paid for by his rich mom on his birthday. It's just too bad he doesn't know how to play it.
Now it may not be as shitty and overtly commercial as some of the crap that comes from the modern so-called "blackened deathcore" crowd, I'm looking at you Gorgoroth, but the seeds of crap have been sowed with this pathetic debut album by a pathetic band.
I also hear that Quorthon was a racist... sad.
Sweden is a very tolerant country, thank god we have evolved past that level of bigotry!!!
To me there is absolutely nothing which redeems this album, or this band.
Even if you are open minded it is still not worth your time, there are much better things to do in life than listen to Bathory... hell, even reading this crappy review is probably more stimulating than their music and guess what, it's free!!
Bathory score: 7/100.
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