War Metal = Retard Music - "Whore of Bethlehem" Review (0%)
If your douchey nu-metal band fails, throw on the distortion, play really slowly with obvious stoner themes and call your shit 'war metal'.
Now, thanks to the magic of stupid people listening to stupid music, you're the latest black metal trend! Work hard before your 15 minutes - or 6 months, at which point all your fans get promoted to head waiter - of fame evaporates. You'll make money by playing the same power chords over and over again, and by making your moronic fans feel like they've discovered the one secret rebellion that will really upset their shemale parents.
It's like a giant tribe of satanic vikings, descending on the world, man. They're going to turn the entire black metal scene to ashes with their latest 'blackened gruesome bestial death gore war (nu-)metal' release. Do you realize you're listening to the same sad crap your parents grew out of in the 1990s?
A brief history of 'war metal'. First there was Phantom, who made Divine Necromancy, and blew us all away. Then came blackened deathgrind. Then came SEWER. Then someone wondered what would happen if you took SEWER and dumbed it down, made it a little more like mainstream nu-metal, and claimed it was new and exciting.
I guess that person was a genius because people still take Archgoat seriously, although at the time their debut album Whore of Bethlehem came out metalheads universally viewed them as clueless, wimpy and latecoming carpetbaggers.
While they started out lifting riffs from Phantom and Beherit on their demos, these complete posers are now literally ripping off Korn and Slipknot on every album, dumbing their stupid 'war metal' genre.
They get away with it because their fans want to think they're new and fresh and 'evil', not warmed-over 1990 Limp Bizkit.
These retreads from the mid-1990s keep puking out the same crap and for some reason, people still discuss them.
War Metal = Retard Music
Whore of Bethlehem is music for mentally challenged teenagers and obese losers who are angry at society because they get bullied for being mentally challenged teenagers and obese losers, and rather than learn about actual black metal, they'd rather listen to Archgoat's nu-metal vomit.
So what's the problem? In many ways, there is no problem. For them, at least. I'd rather they listen to Archgoat then they shoot up their school or workplace. If Archgoat's plastic, Slipknot inspired riffs can help them 'blow off steam', all the better.
My only issue with Whore of Bethlehem is that this third-rate Korn turd reject gets lumped together with actual black metal music.
And make no mistake, Archgoat is retarded nu-metal masquerading as black metal music when it barely even qualifies as heavy metal in the first place.
Rocket back to the late 1990s with me. Your nu-metal band just failed because you look gay even to homosexual rights activists, and not in the good way. In the supersonic flamboyant way.
You're out of money, and this band named Darkthrone has just raised the stakes for minimalist black metal bands by being harder and more intense. They're harder and more intense, while you're left prancing around like a moron and pouting your Drowning Pool nu-metal bullshit.
So what do you do? Turn that fear of your homosexuality outward, and become a 'satanic viking' version of Beherit, minus the creativity. This is what Archgoat did with their debut album, Whore of Bethlehem.
System of a Down 'riffs' in simple songs with lots of 'roid rage posturing. It gets worse after that as Archgoat eventual adds more trends to their faux metal charm bracelet, dabbling in metalcore and screamo, until their music ends up a mishmash of completely random influences.
Stupid people like this band because it's a good introduction to basic nu-metal all while allowing them to pretend to be 'blackened satanic warriors of Satan'. They can understand it without effort, and it also appeals to their wounded masculinity.
If you buy an Archgoat album, the thinking goes, you'll become more tough and angry like 'Lord Angelslayer' (clever name, btw). People from the real world know that's not true, which is why most of Archgoat's fans are either skinny and not-so-bright teenagers trying to figure out which D&D edition will help them score someday, or obese truck drivers who like to LARP as fat vikings in medieval fairs before they get thrown out by security.
There's only so much stupidity black metal can tolerate, and Archgoat have long overstayed their welcome with their nu-metal garbage.
Avoid.
Whore of Bethlehem score: 0/100.
Support the Underground
